Hypochondria

I was reading my all time favorite magazine (Mental Floss, or as I like to call it "Smart Topics For Dummies") and I came across an article that truly horrified me. It seems that my hypochondria can no longer just be limited to the odd tumor or random cancer anymore. There is something even more insidious and painful out there just waiting for me to catch it.

I'm talking about parasites here people.

The magazine had an article that was enough to make me just want to hop into a bathtub full of Lysol and scrub until I could scrub no longer. Luckily enough the number one parasite infects fish (check it out. . .the crazy sucker actually becomes the fishes tongue) but the ones that actually infect humans are bad enough! Now I have to worry about mosquitos carrying filarial worms (the nasty buggers cause elephantitis of the nuts! and other parts too.) or how about Guinea worms that burrow from a humans intestines out their foot to lay eggs.

Okay, granted I'm not likely to encounter these in suburban Cleveland, but these were two in the top five. How many are out there that didn't make the magazine. I guess the most important question would be. . .do they list parasites on WebMD . .and if not then how am I truly supposed to self diagnose?

What is a cappuccino?

Okay, I was at coffee shop the other day (and not Starbucks for once) and I heard a lady complaining about her cappuccino. She seemed really ticked off that there was hardly any milk in her drink. She actually said "The ones at McDonalds have a lot more milk in them". Well no crap lady, it was a cappuccino from McDonalds. Did you really think that that is the standard by which to judge every other cappuccino? If you think that a cappuccino is some sort of advanced chemistry project that comes out of a machine at the press of a button then don't leave McDonalds and let the rest of us enjoy our real coffee in peace instead of listening to you yowling like a half dead cat in heat and be wrong on top of it.

Starbucks

Okay, this is an actual order placed by a lady at Starbucks (I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it). A double tall, half caff, half soy half skim milk, one and three quarters Splenda latte, not too hot. What the Hell? First of all mixing skim milk which is basically milk flavored water with bean juice is just disgusting. For another thing since when did people become so lazy that could not manage to put their own sweetner into their beverages? I have to wonder if she actually enjoys this weird concoction. There are plenty of drinks up on that menu board. Why does she feel the need to go insane and create a drink that nobody in could possibly enjoy, even stoned? I believe that people who have insane orders like this are just starved for attention and unfortunately the only people they can get it from is a barista at Starbucks. What a lonely life she must have just going from Starbucks to Starbucks trying to make these poor kids life hell watching them assemble her concoction with a scowl on her face just waiting for them to make a mistake.