Dancing Cadet!

I have been totally digging Youtube.com lately. My friend D mentioned to me the video she had seen about the dancing cadet. I managed to find it and she is right that A)the boy dancing is a total hottie and that B)this is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long while!

Uh-Oh, My Ex Was Right

It looks like my ex was right, I really am the devil

Satan You scored 75% Pride, 80% Envy, 55% Ambition, and 80% Deceitfulness!

You are Satan, the consummate villain, and the ascendant figure in the unholy trinity. Throughout history you have been called The Serpent, The Accuser, The Devil, Lucifer, The Prince of the Power of the Air, and The Dragon, among other things. Your "compatriots" in the unholy trinity, the Antichrist and the False Prophet, are merely pawns in your futile struggle with God. Though, they probably don�t know this. This is because you are a master of deception; indeed the Bible calls you "The Father of All Lies". You are also very ambitious, and you strive to be in positions of the utmost authority. Unfortunately, it was impossible for you to obtain the highest title in heaven and this is part of the reason why you decided to leave. Of course, you couldn�t just leave by yourself, so you managed to use your deceptive abilities to get one third of the angels in heaven to join with you in revolt. God put down the rebellion and expelled you from heaven. To most people, it would seem foolish to start a war against God, but pride can sometimes cause people to do foolish things. In heaven, you were the most beautiful and powerful of all angels and you were well aware of this. Unfortunately, you let your pride consume you and your passions led you down the road to perdition. After you were expelled from heaven, you let another one of your attributes consume you�envy. You knew that you could never defeat God, but you could attempt to destroy humanity, his most beloved creation. Your goal is to bring as many people as possible to suffer in Hell with you. Fortunately for you, but unfortunately for the rest of us, you�ve been endowed with all of the attributes necessary (deceptiveness, confidence, ruthlessness, and ambition) to do a terribly good job at this.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 83% on Pride You scored higher than 91% on Envy You scored higher than 50% on Ambition You scored higher than 95% on Deceitfulness

Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test written by MetalliScats on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The P Is Silent!

Growing up I used to get so aggravated when my mother would confuse my name with my brother's (Vinnie G. became Puh-Vinnie G.). I guess this was much better than my poor brother who would get called by the dog's name (Peppi, oh I mean Paul. . .). It became the running joke that the P was silent in PVinnie G. I would then complain that my mother couldn't even tell her kids apart and how could a mother not know her own kid's names. What was she, senile? This was obvious proof that she did not love us at all.

Years go by, the brother gets married and has a couple of kids. All of a sudden Sarah has become Kah-Sarah. The scary thing is that it isn't my Mom doing it, it's me. I'll look right at Katie and call her Sarah. The frightening part is was my mother just being normal or. . .

Am I turning into my mother?

A truly frightening prospect!

Just a Hint. . .

Today I had the fun of being verbally abused by a very bitter old lady. For some reason she could not understand why their was tax on her food. Patiently I explained the fact that if she is eating her food on the premises then state law said we had to charge tax (our beloved Govenor Taft needs to get his cut you know). At that point I was referred to as a complete idiot and was told that I must change that stupid rule now.

Uh, Okay. . .

Here is a gentle reminder for everyone, someone who not only wears a name tag at work but also an apron very seldom, if ever, have the authority to just randomly change state law. Not only are we probably not able to change state law at the whims of a cantankerous bag of bones but we probably can't change policy for a national corporation either.

Just a tip for ya'll. . .

That Creepy Guy

So I have a creepy guy that I work with. You know the guy. . .the one who compliments the women on their shoes by saying something like "say, my Mom would like those shoes. . .where did you get them?" Can we say hello Norman? Today I was teasing one of my co-workers. When asked if he needed room for cream in his coffee I said "Nope. He likes his coffee like his women. . .Strong, Black, and Bold." Creepy guy replied with "that's funny I like my coffee like i like my women. . .ground up and in my freezer." Okay, hello creepy! I really hope that my car never breaks down at work because I would rather walk than have to get into a car, alone, with Norman Jr.

Future Ex-Husband Update

I just finished I Am Not Myself These Days and I am utterly heartbroken. This book has seriously affected me and Mr. Kilmer-Purcell. . .you are a master story teller! On an upbeat note, the author will be appearing on Friday April 7th in Lansing. How exciting is that? Only one problem, my nieces birthday party is the next day. Here is the dilemma. Do I drive four hours up to Lansing to get my book signed (and hopefully get my picture taken with my future ex-husband) and then drive down to Columbus the next day (a good seven hour drive)or do I just try to get someone to get a signed copy for me. Oh the dilemmas!

Latest Future Ex-Husband. . .Josh Kilmer-Purcell

I have now added a new celebrity future ex-husband to my list. Please help me in welcoming Josh Kilmer-Purcell to the list. "Who is this Josh person?" you may be asking yourselves. Simple. He is the author of I Am Not Myself These Days. If you have not read this book then get off your butt right now and get to a book store and buy it right now. I am only half way through it but I am loving every minute of this book. Quite honestly I have to say I have quite the crush on the author (hence his addition to my list). If you read the book you'll find out why. Not only is he one of the most humorous authors I have read in a long time, but he has just enough fucked-upness mixed with good ole Mid-Western values to make him just that much more attractive. You can also visit my future ex-husband at www.iamnotmyselfthesedays.com/

Now go buy the book already!

Waste Not Want Not. . .

Who hasn't had that phrase drilled into their heads ever since childhood? It really is a shame more people don't heed that advice. I think of this because I am amazed at what people take just because it is there. Early this afternoon I was out with a friend getting coffee and I happened to look around at some of the empty tables that hadn't been cleaned yet. At one there was one empty cup with a stack half an inch high of napkins. Was this person planning on spilling the entire cup of coffee onto themself? Of maybe they were scared somebody else might get all the napkins and leave them with nothing.
I can kind of understand the napkin thing. I should say I can understand the napkin thing better than what I say on another table. Somebody else thought that they might need a stack of twenty of the wooden coffee stir sticks. Of course they had only used one that was put off to the side neatly on a napkin. The rest of the sticks lay neatly piled at the edge of the table.
What is this compulsion people have to take stacks and stacks of things they don't need? Is it just because it is free? I have watched people take fistfuls of sweet n low or equal back to their tables and use only one or two packets. If anyone has any idea why people insist on doing this I would love to hear the reasoning behind it because it still has me baffled.

My New Disease

There is nothing worse than being a hypochondriac with a limited choice of diseases I do need to recommend The Hypochondriac's Field Guide (see below). I need to thank Bill (of the previous entry Indecent Proposal) for bringing this book to my attention. Its not like I'm worried enough about my encroaching heart attack and pulmonary embolism but now I have a whole new slew of worries. Recently I've been having a scratchy neck, now I realize that this could be due to the dry Cleveland winters. . .but its not! I have now found my new disease. . .Cornu Cutaneum!

Seriously

Okay, granted it usually happens to men sometime after their 50's who were/ are sun worshippers but still. Okay, and it is extremely rare but for every rule there is an exception. . .

What every Hypochondriac Needs!

What every Hypochondriac Needs!

Review of: The Hypochondriac's Field Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have

By: Vince G.

Rating: 5

Read review on Judy's Book.

The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have is must have book for every hypochondriac! If you are a hypochondriac like me and you stick of the old standbys of Bird Flu, Leukemia, Pulmonary Embolism, or other various and sudry cancers and heart defects then this book gives you many great options to worry and fret over. You'll be sure to stun your doctor by proclaiming boldly "I know I have Myiasis!". He'll be glad too, nothing like a hypochondriac who just keeps singing the same disease over and over again.

Who's a Geek?

I just took the geek test today. Luckily I found out I'm only a major geek. Whew, what a relief that is for me. It is a really good thing that my math skills really suck because I think that saved me from being on a higher level of geekdom. Some of the topics that got me?
I have read a book on a Friday or Saturday night
I know the answer is 42
My geekiness has only gotten worse the older I get
Named a pet after a mythological creature
Been in a show choir (yes, my dirty secret is out to those of you who didn't go to Valley Forge)
I've read books on grammar outside of school

I do have a question though. What is a geek party?
Here are a few recommended geek qualifiers to add
I blog
I edit my own HTML on blogger
I know who Dragonforce is
I listen to Dragonforce
I own every Harry Potter book
And movie
I spend way too much time thinking about this crap

Click the button to take the geek test, let me know how you did.

Buried Treasure

Buried Treasure

Review of: Moods and Grooves

By: Vince G.

Rating: 4

Read review on Judy's Book.

I was going through my CD collection the other day and I came across a hidden treasure that I had almost completely forgotten about. Steven Kowalyczk's Moods and Grooves was one of my favorite CDs when I first got it years ago and it has stood the test of time. This is one of the few CDs where I love just about every song on the disc (except for two of the ballads, but hey ten out of twelve ain't bad odds). If you are in the mood for some easy light easy listening of original standards (ala Michael Buble-esque) then I highly recommend getting your hands on this album. Unfortunately he did not survive the Virgin Atlantic debacle of having to pay off Mariah Carey (yet another reason to hate her) but I have found out he does perform now under the name Steve Santoro.

Laziness

At the very end of last summer/ middle of fall I got a flat tire on my bike. Not the easy front tire, but the difficult rear tire with all the gears and stuff on it. I did make a half ass effort to change the tire (about five minutes with a wrench) before I gave up. Granted it was probably my fault for blowing a whole lotta fix a flat into the tire in the first place. My great debate right now is do I schlep myself down to the bike store and get the tire fixed or do I just run my butt up to Super K and get myself a new bike? Oddly enough I'm leaning to getting a whole new bike. That would save the whole going to the bike store, waiting while they change it, then driving it back home. My way I get a whole shiny fresh new bike just itching to be broken in.

New Levels of Geekiness

I have just achieved new levels of geekiness. Let me preface this by saying I have not let the musical choices of sixteen year olds influence me since I was about, well, sixteen. this changed recently after viewing my friend's little brother's blog. At first I was mildly amused by his review of a band called Dragonforce. Apparently this band is all the rage in places like Sweden and Demark (didn't ABBA come from somewhere up and around there?). I had a few chuckles and pictured myself throwing an eight sided die to figure out which song to listen to first. Then, to my horror or relief I'm still not sure which, I discovered that I actually enjoyed their music. I actually enjoyed a hair band that sings songs apparently inspired by Dungeons & Dragons (or sci-fi/ fantasy novels take your pic), recommended by a sixteen year old.

What is next? Britney Spears on my iPod?

(And no D., before you post it she is NOT already there!)

Having Cake and Eating it Too?

Does anyone else read Dear Abbey? I am a bit confused about this whole shoving a kid's face into a cake thing? I can't believe that this really happens. Is it some sort of cultural or family tradition to shove your kid's face into a birthday cake? I don't know anyone who this has happened too and I've never even heard of anyone discussing it being done? I have read in Dan Savage's book Skipping Towards Gomorrah of the kid who got an erotic kick out of having a cake shoved in his face, but doing it to your kid on their birthday?

What a waste of cake!

Golden Girls

Okay, just one more mushy-esque post and I'll get back to my usual bitter self that we all know and if not love then at least tolerate. While I was writing Indecent Proposal last night I realized that I have never properly thanked my friend D. D and I have been friends for something like twenty five years, give or take a few, and managed to keep in touch despite boyfriends, me moving 2000 miles away and back, and various and other sundry incidents (including the infamous night at Euphoria that neither of us can remember). Since my break up with my ex two years ago (he called her a bad influence, what is it with boyfriends calling her that?) I have come to realize the true value of her friendship. Without her I would only be reading books that have pictures of guys in flowy shirts torn because of a struggle with/of/for love/magic/mythical beasts/usurpers of thrones, or really I would still be reading very trashy biographies all the time. Now every once in awhile I'll throw in a book of at least nominal cultural signficance if only to curb the harrasement a hair. It was through her influence that I bought the device that has changed my life (hello my beautiful iPod, what I did before you I know not), and she set in motion the challenge that finally got me to quit smoking. Of course we are the only two of about 8 or 10 people who managed to quit, but still!
So I just want to say thank you for the wednesday night Panera's, the late night Arabica's, the gay baseball games, Mr. Leather competitions, Montreal road trips, and everything else. It is really good to have that friend who has known you forever that you know no matter what you could depend on to be there for you (check it, that's just how I roll). So if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift (okay maybe not the biggest because you have some very wealthy, and very attractive, friends. . .so lets say the most appropriate gift) would be from me and the card attached would say "Thank you for being a friend"

Indecent Proposal

I received my first marriage proposal today. Unfortunately it was from a straight man. Not that I'm not flattered (really I think I was just a whole lot more uncomfortable), but c'mon. First of all I'm not even sure I really believe in marriage. Let me rephrase that. . .I'm not sure I believe in marriage for myself.

Then again. . .Maybe it isn't such a bad idea. Let's face it I haven't really made the best dating choices. Between the chronic liars, nymphomaniacs (and not a nympho with me but with every other thing with a penis), druggies and/ or drug dealers, the unemployed/ underemployed, and the chronic whiners I could really do worse (and have).

Okay, so I'm not physically attracted to him in the least (even though he is a decent looking guy and I'm not just saying that because he will eventually read this) but we do have a lot in common. A whole hell of a lot more than the last three people I've dated anyhow. We are both self admitted geeks who love video games, sci-fi fantasy books, the sci-fi channel, Star Wars (but I didn't dress up to go see any of the movies), and I envy the fact that he has the total hooked up state of the art Light Saber! Can anyone say stick envy?

So what is holding me back? Well besides the fact that he is STRAIGHT I still have my romantic notions. Okay, I admit that I'm holding out for that knight on white horse to come and sweep me off my feet. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe it is, but for now I'm thankful for my friends who I can share my geekiness with.

And no, I still won't marry you!

Nightlife by Rob Thurman

Okay Sci-Fi geeks get ready because we have a live one here. I just finished reading Rob Thurman's debut novel Nightlife last night and I have to say that I really enjoyed it. The story follows a half demon (okay he is really half elf, but not the pretty happy ones from Tolkein. These are nasty suckers)by the name of Caliban (and you get a quarter if you can name the reference before you read the book) as he is pursued by his extended family of nasty, gnarly Auphes (or as we call them Elves). Cal is helped out by his brother Nik and along the way they pick up a horny Satyr by the name of Robin.

The book follows true to form with a disenfranchised hero with flaws and his morally superior sidekick there to support him. Along the way they pick up the comic relief, who also happens to be handy with a sword, and kick some demon butt. Overall the writing is pretty good but the author does dwell on a few points a bit too much in the attempt to be witty. We get the fact that Nik has an obsession with knives and swords (or pointy objects as the author calls them) so lets move on shall we? Despite this the pacing is pretty fast and there isn't that mid book lag that happens in a lot of novels.

If you are a fan of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files then you'll really enjoy the way the author blends his world in with our reality. While it is obvious this is a debut novel, it is a darn good start and I really do look forward to seeing where the author goes with his setup. You can visit the author on the web at his Website and be sure to read the about the author part, this man has a good sense of humor.

South Dakota Blues

Okay, am I the only person incensed about the gall of the entire South Dakota state government to make it a felony to provide abortion services? Can we say "to hell with the supreme court?" everyone? Let me guess. . .just about the entire state government is probably male too!

Here's an idea to really make abortion pointless. Instead of spending all this money and energy on fighting Roe vs. Wade why don't we spend that money on teaching people how not to get pregnant? That would really be a big help, no unwanted pregnancies and no emotional trauma dealing with the after effects of an abortion. I'm not just talking about teaching girls how to use birth control, but teaching young men how to use a condom properly.

Do you realize that more than half of PUBLIC SCHOOLS offer no resources for students to learn the facts about birth control? Or how about this, 88% of teens who take abstinence pledges still engage in premarital sex and most of those don't use protection? These kids have the same rate of contraction for STDs as the national average as opposed to students who have detailed and comprehensive sexual education do not engage in sex any earlier and are much more likely to use protection.
Oh yes, and lets not forget that the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate of any developed nation.

And people think banning abortion is the solution?

It is called education people!
For more information please visit the Planned Parenthood website.

For a more politcal look at what the South Dakota idiots are doing visit my friend D's site

Heath Got Robbed

I'm sorry, Phillip did a great job in Capote but I still think Heath got robbed. I really don't get why actors from biopics keep winning. Granted they are doing a great job, but the actors are mimicking people. Heath went out and created a whole new personae out of nothing. I admit that I never really liked Heath Ledger before seeing Brokeback Mountain but his performance completely won me over and I am now a huge fan (even though I still think Jake is much cuter).

Find out what my friend D. has to say about it at her blog!

Brokeback Blogging

Okay, there has been a lot of chatter about Brokeback Mountain and I now feel it is time to put in my two cents worth. My first beef is the people who say that the two characters weren't gay enough.
What?
You want to put them in dresses and have them swish across the mountain. . .can anyone say To Wong Foo, Thanks for the Sheep? Come on, these were regular guys just caught up in their desires. Not every homosexual everywhere wears short shorts or flies a pride flag from their penis. Most of us are regular, everyday kinda guys just trying to get along in this world. Ennis and Jack just happened to be cowboys trying to live their lives and get along.

As for those who say too gay, did you even see the movie? Shut up!

I have to agree with the one fellow who said that he found it hard to believe that they would go to the mountains and camp, but never fish. Very true, but this is a movie. . .not reality. Lets face it this was a damn good movie based on a pretty decent short story. It has got people talking which is good and is actually making some money. If it wins some awards tonight then even better. Maybe we will actually get some high quality queer films out that pander to the lowest common denominator.

Look into my eyes. . .

There is a new sort of speed dating out there making the rounds down from (where else) New York and now into Cleveland. I read about it in one of the local weekly free tabloids. It is called a gazing party. The whole point is a room full of people go around and stares into each others eyes.

That's it!

I guess the object is to try to find your soul mate. To me this sounds like just another bad date in a long line of many bad dates. You know how it goes. You're out to dinner with that guy or girl who seemed so fascinating from afar but once you actually sit down to dinner. . .Nothing! Time stands still and may even start to go in reverse. The only thing to do is stare blankly across the table and hope maybe if you stare into their eyes long enough you can hypnotize them into being at least halfway interesting.

And people are paying to do this?

Moms For Ohio

I was reading in the Cleveland Plain Dealer today about a PAC called Moms for Ohio. Whenever I see that a group puts a "focus on the family" I get a little bit on edge. Sure enough as I read the article one of their missions is to keep marriage between a man and a woman (not so secret code for HOMOPHOBIA). Why is it that anytime somebody is focused on family it is to the exclusion and detriment of homosexuals. I have to wonder what would happen if one of their sons came home and tried to tell them he was gay (trust me, not an easy conversation to have even when your parents are liberal democrats like mine) or if their daughter wanted to bring her girlfriend home for Christmas dinner? Would these women (and men who are also involved in the PAC) disown their children? Would a homosexual child no longer be a part of the family? Does their love for their children only extend so far as their children live the lives that the mothers want them too? Would they be content knowing that they worked hard to assure that if they did have a gay child that that child would be a second class citizen?

Drive a Hummer? You Obviously Hate America

I have to admit I've been feeling a bit put upon with being told that I hate America by people who are opposed to my views on religion (worship who or what you want, but don't force it down my throat and keep it out of my government), the constitution (Yeah ammendment #1. Boo #2), constitutional rights (which should not only include rich, white, heterosexual, protestant males). I have empirical evidence of the true America Haters.

Hummer drivers!

Why else would they drive a vehicle that gets, what, 10-12 miles to the gallon? I'm sure OPEC loves that fact. Let's see, who is a member of Opec?
Venezuela-Hates us
Libya-Hates us
Iran-definitely hates us with an almost holy (or unholy) passion

Then we have Algeria, Indonesia, Iraq, Kuwait, Nigeria, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and the UAE. I really wouldn't consider any of these the best of allies, maybe not even fair weather friends. So why are these people putting so much money into the hands of these countries (which control 40% of the worlds oil production)? Hopefully it is just due to extreme ignorance and not just to overcompensate for a small penis.