To Think Of In June

June 1st is tomorrow and so starts a whole slew of Pride events, parades, dances, blah, blah, blahs. This is the month when we celebrate our diversity (supposedly), but I think this year in June we should think of and celebrate that most cherised of items, as Brad from Southern Expressions calls them, our Homo Hunnies (formerly known as Fag Hags).

Why should we be thinking of them? Well who goes and gets us shit faced drunk after every break up? Who actually tells us when a pair of pants makes our asses look flat? Who is the first to tell us how hot we look or how horrible we look? Who is there as boyfriends, hairstyles, jean tightness, or bars come and go out of our lives?

Our Homo Hunnies!

So go out and give her a big hug (or better yet a designer purse, or maybe some Manolos) because behind every great Fag is his Homo Hunnie.

p.s.
Brad just informed me that it was Gumby who coined Homo Hunnies so stop by his blog too! Both his and Brad's blogs are well worth your time to read.

Yummy Treats

I went Trader Joes yesterday to pick up a few odds and ends and while I was waiting in line I saw these organic chocolate covered banana chips. I have a huge sweet tooth that has only gotten worse since I quit smoking so I immediately started to salivate. I checked out the nutritional stuff on the back and they weren't that bad so I picked them up as well figuring they'd be a heck of a lot better than the usual peanut butter cookie I'd scarf down after lunch. It turns out that they were fantastic, I half the tub yesterday. . .

And then today I realized the danger of eating too many bananas.

Glad it rained here a lot recently so I could blame the smell on a backed up sewer

Everybody Dance Now

Wow, just about every horrible dance move from the 50's on is incorporated into this guy's routine. . .and the amazing thing is is how well he executes them all. . .I'm not sure whether to be impressed or horrified.



P.S.

Thanks Jesse, as you probably figured out I took this right off your myspace profile. . .

What's In a Name

Brad and Angelina had their first child a couple of days ago for those of you who live in vacuum. The poor child was named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. Who wants to take bets now that in twenty years she, Apple, Coco, and any of the Zappas will form a gang and beat the crap out of their parents screaming "Why couldn't you just name me Jennifer?"


Thanks Comment4u for finding this great pic of the happy couple

Something New

I have just finished watching the movie Something New and I have to admit that I really enjoyed it. It was more than the standard chic flick or romantic comedy. It was an actual story of two people trying to find that connection. I have to say it really resonated with me because making that connection with someone is damn hard and I'm jealous of the people who have it (I'm happy for them too, but still a little bit jealous). Anyhow the point I'm trying to make is I want all of you to go out and love whoever it is you want to. It doesn't matter if they are black, white, orange, green, male, female, hermaphrodite, pre/post op transexual, democrat, republican or whatever. If you have that connection with someone go for it! Life is too damn short to give a damn about what the neighbors think or will you be able to take them to your twentieth high school reunion. Who cares? Just go for it.

On a side note, I would like to start with Simon Baker so he has now been officially added to my list of future ex-husbands.

Memorial Day

I thought that for Memorial Day I would do a little bit of reflecting. Seems like a nice and lazy thing to do while one is stuffed full of BBQ.
I remember seeing a family genealogy that my Grandmother's sister had spent years working on. This thing had biographies and everything in it and must have taken her years to complete (this was way before the Internet) and it went all the way back before the Revolutionary War. The fact that stuck out strongest in my mind was that we had anscestors who had fought in every war/ armed from the Revolution onwards. I also knew at that point that my Grandfathers on both sides served in WWII and that my several of my uncles served in Korea and Viet Nam. In addition I have cousins now serving and one had been to Iraq back in the early 90's(yes, it is a huge family. . .Irish Catholic. We breed like rabbits. That is probably why I'm gay, God said enough of this family already! All natural birth control). That means from the Revolution until now some member of my family has served in this country's armed forces from the Revolution until the current day.

I don't bring this fact up to make any pretence of being a blue blood or better than anyone. Heck, my father's grandparents came off the boat from Poland after the WWI so we are by no means blue bloods (quite the opposite actually. Can we say one step up from trailer trash?). I mention this because I have been thinking about what exactly they have fought for and why we should remember those who have fought for this country. Here is why I thank and remember them this Memorial Day. . .

1)I can worship God in a church, temple, mosque, meadow under the full moon, or not at all without fear of retribution.

2)I can question my Government and it's leaders without fear of reprisal.

3)I have the right and the responsibility to vote for those who will lead my government and not just be handed a puppet govt by a military leader.

4)I have the right and the responsibility to speak up and to protest when I feel my elected govt is not being true to the Constitution/ its own promises/ the premise of freedom for all and that I can do this knowing I won't be hauled off to jail in the middle of the night, shot, stoned, or sent to a work camp.

5)The fact that it states, and I believe, that all men are created equal right in the Constitution of the United States of America. We may not be there yet, but we'll keep trying.

There is so much more that I can't even begin to list, but that is a start. It is up to the rest of us to make sure to question, to act, and to speak out so that we can assure that all the sacrifices that have been made for us in the past and in the present aren't wasted.

I will now step down off my soap box and return to my usual vapid posts.

DaVinci Code

D. and I went to see the Davinci Code yesterday and I have to admit that I enjoyed it. It was a lot like the book, a guilty pleasure. I don't know what all the horrid reviews were about because it isn't like this was meant to change the face of cinema. I could have done without the guy in the audience "humphing" every time they started talking about religious theories.

I felt like screaming at him "IT'S A MOVIE, NOT REALITY!"

It Is That Time of the Week Again

Oh my, and I thought farm life was boring. . .

Adorkable

Yesterday I posted about the Urban Dictionary and my new favorite word adorkable so I thought it only appropriate that I have a future ex-husband posting featuring an adorkable man. One of these men is David Sedaris. Granted not the sexiest of men, but damn that man can make me laugh. If you haven't read Me Talk Pretty One Day then you need to because I think that was his finest collection of essays. Another upside is that he is so neurotic that he would make me seem normal!

Blockage

I have been stopping by a few of my favorite blogs and I have been noticing a common theme. The lack of any ideas on what to write about. I have also noticed the demise of one or two of the blogs I visit regularly. Could it be spring fever in the air? That is my theory because I too have had a bit of difficulty in thinking up topics (hence the creation of gratuitious Saturday). I feel for ya guys, sometimes a taking a mini vacation is just what the mind needs to recuperate.

Urban Dictionary

D. has just turned me on to the Urban Dictionary, otherwise known as the Wikipedia of slang. I am so loving it.

My favorite is adorkable. . .aka the loveable and cute dork.

I have such a soft spot for these kinda guys so you can bet that this phrase will now be incorporated into my daily speech.

Just Don't Know

I'm not really sure how I feel about this. On the one hand what Pastor Phelps and his roving band of idiots does at these military funerals is disgusting, rude, decidedly Un-Christian, ignorant,and yada-yada-yada. On the other hand, just because I disagree with their viewpoint doesn't mean I can say "you can't do that." That is part of what it means to be an American. Not just being able to express yourself (supposedly) without fear of retribution, but also that we must tolerate the retarded idiots who seem to find some link between Iraq and Homosexuality. If we take away the rights of these ignorant yokels, then what rights of our own will we then be surrendering?

Tough question eh?

I Thought My Job Was Bad

Okay, you have got to watch this (especially you D.). I found this while browsing through Weighing in Without the Cookies. Watch it til the end and I also found a new way to use the F word. . .

Pick Your Power

When i was a kid and my friends and I used to play superheros I would always be Iceman. I thought he was just the coolest. It wasn't until I was in college that I was exposed to Gambit by my Big Brother in my fraternity (yes I know, I did have to pay for my friends in college). Now if I would have to pick which superhero to be it would be Gambit all the way. I mean HELLO! What is cooler (and I use the term cool very liberally from a geeks perspective)than flicking some cards from a deck and WHAMO! Instant explosion. It almost makes me want to play super heros again, but I guess I'll just have to wait until Friday when X-Men 3 opens (Oh man I can't wait). It is just a shame that Gambit won't be in it.

Vacation Time

I've had to push my vacation back yet another week due to circumstances at work. This is not necessarily a bad thing though. I was planning on driving up to Montreal but now I'm not so sure. I enjoyed Montreal a lot but now I'm wondering if something else might be better. Maybe I'll go out to Atlantic City and spend some time on the Jersey shore (Okay, now that I see that in writing I don't think that is an option anymore. . .but it did sound good originally in theory). Does anybody have any good ideas out there?

Big Sigh. . .

Why the big sigh you ask? Well look at this man! Who doesn't love Anderson Cooper. I know a lot of people focus on his hair (what an odd thing to be admired for don't you think?) but for me it is his eyes. Damn, I could stare into those eyes forever. And he is funny too! Needless to say he is on my list of future ex-husbands, but hell, I'd even go for the knock off Sears version of him.

Oh Happy Day

I am so thrilled to see the sun today. After two weeks of gray overcast skies this is like a little present. It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't had that week of seventy degree and sunny weather at the very beginning of May. It was Mother Nature's way of taunting us in Northeast Ohio before she whopped us with fifty degree temperatures and overcast skies. If you will pardon me, I'm going to go enjoy the sun while I can. . .who knows when we will see it again here.

Room With A View

So D. talked me into being more than my usual cheap self when it came to getting a room in Niagara Falls. Every other time I've been it was a drive through so I never actually stayed there. We got a room overlooking the American Falls and it was pretty neat to open the faux balcony doors and see the falls.

We also stopped at the new Fallsview Casino to donate a little money to the Canadian Govt. by way of the one armed bandits. I have to say that this casino is a lot more impressive than Casino Niagara.

Then behind the casino we found a cool spot where you could see a rainbow from behind the horseshoe falls that wasn't visible from the frontal view. Of course we had to be cheesy and pretend like we were in a Korean calendar with the rainbow flying over us.

Back And Refreshed

And also out $100 bucks that I "donated" to the casino's of Niagara Falls. On the upside, by just registering for the player's advantage thingie I saved $20 in parking fees! Don't so sure it was a wash, but hey! It was fun. . .

Don't Read Til Saturday

I'm posting Saturday's random acts of hottiness a little early due to my early start tomorrow for Niagra Falls. I'm trusting ya'll to be good and not look at the hotties until it is acutally Saturday. . .

McDonalds Thinks I'm Fat

I stopped by McDonalds yesterday in between running errands on my day off. As I was standing there waiting for the girl to put my food in a bag (yup, it was a different Micky D's than the infamous bag one) I saw her slip a bright yellow flier in the bag. In my car as I started to dig out a handful of fries (the fries never seem to make it to my final destination) I brushed a flier. It was a coupon to join Bally's gym.

What, does the girl think I'm fat or something? Out of all the people to slip that too I really don't think that I should be the one. Granted I have put on a few pounds since I quit smoking, but it isn't like I have the gut pouring over my belt. In fact I think I look healthier with a few extra pounds.

Instead of handing out fliers in a half assed attempt to seem health conscious why don't they cut people off. Hell, the guy in front of me probably didn't need both the Big Macs he ordered for himself. Where were the calorie police then?

And In Other News

Pat Roberston has allegedly been told by God that the American Coast will be lashed by storms this year. This is a major bit of prophecy seeing as how the American coast has not been lashed by storms since last summer.

Another Great Ad. . .

If they had commercials on like this on TV here it might, almost, make me turn the TV on more than once every six months (probably not though, because the show surrounding would still be crap anyway). For those of you weren't turned completely off of kids after the previous post, adoption is always an option. Although some disappointments may arise. . .



Video found on guytvblog

Birth Control

I realize that I have been a bit homocentric in the condom ads that I have been posting on here. For the one or two hetero readers here (Yeah Bill, I'm talking to you) here is a small sample of what can happen to you. I post this because this is the sh*t I had to listen to all day at work.



And to further ruin any appetite you may have left for sex vistit this link and find out how science class ruins your sex life.

Wow, I so need to take a Silkwood shower now. . .

A Kiss?

So the two or three of you who are here everyday may have noticed that I missed posting yesterday. "Why, God why?" you may be asking yourself. Well, I have been getting ready for a visit from someone from our corporate office so that has been pretty darn stressful. He was supposed to be in first thing tomorrow morning.

Guess what?

What?

He showed up today. And true to my personal luck of the Irish (all bad) every single thing that could have possibly gone wrong did. . .in a major way. I think I will now have about ten beers and pass out now.

Next time I bend over to get f*ck*d and take one for the team can I at least get a kiss first?

Who Is That?

I was reading The Plain Dealer today and they had an aricle about The Davinci Code. The article had a bunch of scholars discussing the book and whatnot, but the part that got me was when they started discussing Dan Brown.

I had to chuckle when it said that he couldn't leave his house because he was so famous.

What?

Do any of you actually know what this man looks like? I know I have seen pictures of him, but I wouldn't know him if I spit on him. I consider myself to be a bit of a geek (I mean, hell, I actually read the author bios and the dedications) but the only two authors I would know on sight would be Josh Kilmer-Purcell (because I love him and will marry him one day) and Ann Rice (cause she is kinda creepy looking and has been on EVERY talk show).

Road Trip

D. and I are trying to plan a quick road trip to Niagra Falls to just get away and chill for a bit. While online trying to find a hotel with a view of the falls we couldn't tell if the Courtyard had a fallsview room available, so D. gets on the phone and calls.

This is what I heard from my end

"Well, the falls are pretty big,"

Guy on the other end mumbling.

"Yeah, but I think a block isn't that far away, they are big,"

mumble mumble

"But the picture shows people chillin in a hot tub lookin at the falls, that's what we want,"

For some reason I found this absolutely hysterical that she had to explain to someone that the falls are pretty big and you could see them from more than a block away. Turns out the whole damn hotel is cityview. . .who knew?

Random Acts Of Hottiness

I saw this awhile ago on the product's Website and I just found it again on YouTube so I thought I would share. . .



And another PSA for you too. . .

Mmmmm, Coffee. . .

I just have to share that this morning (which for me started at about eleven a.m.) I experienced that very rare occurence that can really make your day. I had the perfect cup of coffee.

It isn't as easy as it sounds. . .

First you have to get that perfect pot brewed, not too weak, not too strong (for which I used my French Press and Starbucks Papua New Guinea coffee. . .yum!) then you have to get the proper blend of cream and sugar. Lastly the temperature of the coffee has to settle in to just the right temperature to be hot, but still enjoyably drinkable.

Somehow I managed to get everything in the perfect balance, too bad it was all in my coffee cup and not in my life. . .but shoot, I'll take what I can get!

Nuff Said

I found this on aussielicious.

Am I Speaking Ingles?

Have you ever had one of those days where you are fairly certain that you are speaking English but maybe you have reverse sort of Star Trek tricorder thing going on that instead of translating it garbles things up to make you unintelligible to the rest of the world? That is the sort of day I am having today. I don't think I have been saying anything at all complicated. It started when I stopped by work to pick up some papers and I said hello to a coworker who then proceeded to stare blankly at me. I repeated and got another blank stare. I can understand that. . .shellshock happens often at my job.
Next I tried to use the restroom and of course people were standing all around the entrance talking (because who doesn't love the ambiance surrounding a restroom entrance?). A couple of polite excuse me got hostile stares and no movement. I began thinking maybe instead of excuse me I had said "Move of the large buttocks out of my way promptly or pay the price in blood," but no, I had actually said plain old excuse me.
After finally being able to relieve myself I stopped on my way back home to get something quick to eat. Again I am positive that I ordered my food to go and yet there it was on a tray. After asking if I could get my food in a bag to go the young lady (and I use that term oh so loosely) asked why didn't I order it to go if I wanted it to go and then walked away (What? Are you kidding me? No I'm not). Finally I got the attention of somebody else to ask them to put my food in a bag and got another blank stare.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother so I just took the whole tray and left.
I think I'll just take a nap now and start all over in an hour or so. . .maybe by then I'll make some sense to somebody.

Cop Out Posting

It was a very long, very miserable day today. I finally got home around ten o'clock and checked my email. My friend Jesse sent me a link to the kitty cannon. Thank God he did because this made me laugh out loud. . .okay it is slightly on the evil side but then again so am I. Have fun!

French Lovin'

I found the link for this ad for a French safe sex commercial on Towleroad. I realized while watching this that I am totally cheesy because I now have a total crush on a cartoon doctor (you'll know who when you watch) and because I found this little commercial totally romantic in a weird sort of way, you'll have to watch to see for yourself.

And as an update, I found it on Youtube as well for easier viewing.

I Support. . .

I am so sick of those magnetic ribbons that seem to be on every single car on the road these days. Yes I support the troops, I think finding a cure for breast/prostate/rectal/scrotal cancer is a good idea, I'm against muscular dystrophy but for the MDA, Literacy is good but hunger is bad. . .the list goes on and on and on. I don't feel the need to put a magnet on my car for every thing I am for and everything i am against. It is just like those baby on board signs from the early nineties. A good idea gone bad. Pretty soon we all knew who had a golfer on board, a retired nurse on board, or a chronic masturbator on board. Enough with the freatking ribbons already, unless of course you support magnetic ribbons, then that is okay. . .

You can help support the magnetic ribbon industry here

Future Ex Husband: X-Men Edition

In honor of X-Men 3 opening this month I have decided to declare a new future ex-husband from the pool of cute mutants. What can I say, it is Cyclops all the way. He is a hottie whether it is in cartoon form or "real life". Besides, he is so much more gorgeous than Wolverine, no contest in my book. By the way, have you seen the movie Heights yet? Fantastic movie, and that is even discounting watching James Mardsen make out with Jesse Bradford!

Happy Birthday D.

Today marks a very important day, the birthday of D. that many of you know from Rock, Paper , Scissors, Gun. Be sure to stop by and wish her many happy returns.
By the way D. I hope you are enjoying your birthday out there in sunny Vegas and you don't look a day over twenty-five (and since we are the same age I'm not telling which birthday it is).
p.s.
I actually posted this way early in the morning on the 7th, the actual day that we are celebrating

Gratuitous Saturday: Internationl Edition

I don't remember enough Spanish from high school so I have no idea why these Venezuelan hotties are pretending to take a shower on this talk show, but DAMN I sure am glad they did!

Fabulous Dahling. . .

It would be so cool to be wealthy. Then I would be able to afford things like theses vases. How freaking wonderful are these? I have to admit that it took me a minuter before I finally caught on. While they are wonderful I can't imagine paying 690 British Pounds for either one. That is what, something like $1400! Put it on sale at Target for $29.99 and I'd so buy them though.

It Is More Than The Clothes

I have just finished reading a post by Shelley the Republican (if you want to visit her site then google it, I won't post a link to that nut job). I found her site because it was in my site meter referrals, though why someone would be visiting both our sites I don't know, hopefully they were just blog hopping and it was an odd transition.
Anyway, one of her articles was about converting a "gay" into a God fearing normal person. Aside from all the issues I have with this conversion process (being that a)it is done to "show that these heathens can change" so that they can continue their tirades of hate, and money begging and b)it is genetic so behavior modification really won't work and I'm getting way off topic here now) the ones that she suggests are just ridiculious:
2 Get rid of his (quite gay) looking clothes.
3 Show him the correct way not to talk like a gay (you know, not as British).
4 Show him how not to walk gay.
5 Pray with him every day.
6 Introduce him to nice religious girls from the area.
7 Consult with the referend on a weekly basis to discuss his progress.

Guess what Shelley, it isn't about the clothes or about the walk or the talk. Some of the "gayest" men I have known have been 100% straight, it seems that the cleaner, and more fashionable, and "sensitive" they keep themselves the more p*$$y they are able to get.
Oh yeah, some of the butchest "straigtest" men I have known were, you guessed it, queer as a three dollar bill. These men had and still have no interest in shopping, mosturizers, or the latest dance track and could probably kick the crap out of 99% of the population.
If anyone honestly thinks just a little bit of behaviour modification can erase a chunk of sexual identity then they are insane and should be locked up for creating even more mental trauma in this young man. So when he commits suicide because you and your haters have confused him even more with your schlock psychology will you take the responsibility for it?

Daily Dancer

My friend Kelly recently told me about this guy. Apparently every morning he posts another video of him doing a little dance to start the day. It is good to know that there is at least one white guy out there who dances worse than I do. You can try to see him at DailyDancer.com or just go to Youtube.com and do a search for daily dancer to see what he gets up to.

That'll Learn Me

I just got finished trying to send an email to a friend. It hadn't dawned on me that her email was a work email address until after I had sent it. No sooner had I sent it then I got a returned mail email that came pronto! I felt like I was back in Mrs. Netzle's sixth grade class. Whoever wrote this returned mail message must have been a former grade school teacher.

"Your email has been detected by an automated system at ******* ***** as possibly containing inappropriate wording and/or phrases. This system has deemed your email to be inappropriate for business communication; therefore it will not be delivered to the intended recipient as per the Raymond James corporate email policy."

Wow, it goes on too, telling me to go back and review my message for any questionable wording. My gosh, I feel so dirty. And all this from an automated message from a fairly inoccous message.

OH THE HORROR!!!!

I am absolutely horrified. Paris Hilton will be on the cover of the next Out magazine. What does Ms. Hilton have to say? Well according to Perez Hilton she has such pithy comments as "All the hot ones are gay," or "Gay guys are more fun and they dress better."

Hmmm, stereotype much.

She obviously has never been to Deco on a Friday night, otherwise she would never make statements like that. The only thing I can think of is blatant pandering to try to sell some copies of her, I'm sure, horrid new album.

Can't we just all ignore her? If we all concentrate really hard on NOT thinking about this attention whore then maybe she will just disappear.

Okay everyone. . .on the count of three
Three
Two
One. . .

Dinner

I went out yesterday with a friend to dinner at Red Robin. I haven't been there in years (a good twelve years since they opened up the first one in the Cleveland area). I have to say I wasn't impressed at all. The food was good, don't get me wrong on that, but I have an issue on how it was served. I paid almost ten bucks for a burger and it was brought to me in a red faux wicker basket. WTF. If I had only paid five bucks then fine, slop it to me in a basket, but for a ten dollar burger I want china. Not to be all uppity but slopping me my food in a basket just reminds me of something they'd do at Cedar Point. Plus there was no room for my ketchup. I have to have plenty of room for my ocean of ketchup to drag the fries through and you can't do that in a basket. I wonder if they even have plates? Can I request a plate?

A Very Sporting Future Ex-Husband

I figured with it being baseball season I should add another future ex husband to the list. Women all over Cleveland are going ga-ga over Grady Sizemore and I can totally understand why. Last summer I was behind him in line at Barnes & Noble and damn! You should see his arms up close and in person! Plus his smile is so much cuter in person. Ah, big sigh. . .a good reason to go to the ball park (that and he fills out his jeans quite well too!)

I Love Target

I'll admit it. I have a problem. I am addicted to shopping at Target. The past four Sundays in a row I have been to a Target. Two Sundays ago I went to three different Target stores in the same day.

I can't help myself.

There is just so much to see and do there. I have to spend at least twenty minutes just wandering through trying to get my bearings before I can even concentrate on getting what I came for. Now that it is Spring I get in even more trouble. There is all this stuff to get for my garden (as ghetto as it is). And of course I have to totally pimp out my bike (which I did not get at Target somehow). Don't forget stuff to nibble on, ya gotta get the niblets too!

I did not make it to Target yesterday.

I am going through withdrawl.

I am on my way to Target as soon as I hit post.

I swear I don't have a problem