The RH Factor

D. and I are not very nice people. "Why do you say that?" you may be asking yourself right now. Simple, it all has to do with a little game we like to play at our local coffee shop that we like to call "Russian or Hooker"

It is very simple. . . we have noticed that whenever a really trashy looking woman comes into the coffee shop who looks like a stereotypical hooker off of some soap opera she is usually speaking with a Russian accent. Once in awhile though she will sound like a typical midwesterner. . .hence the creation of our game.

When we see a "trashy" girl come in we automatically say whether we think R or H and give a time. . .i.e. R twelve o'clock. . .that way we know where to look.

I don't know why Russian women tend to look like soap opera street walkers, they just do. To be fair Russian men do tend to look like the stereotypical gay hairdressers from movies.

What A Rush

So where is all the commentary on Rush Limbaugh getting busted with more prescriptions that weren't his? So it was "only" viagra. It still could be in violation of his "deal" to get out of his little Dr. shopping excursion. I have a few questions about all of this though. . .
1)He is always so vocal in the fact that he is always right so why did he take a deal with prosecutors if he was actually innocent?
2)As D. pointed out yesterday doesn't the man have enough money to pay someone to get and carry a prescription back for him so he doesn't get caught?
3)What exactly was he doing in Costa Rica that was so much fun that he couldn't tell his listeners about?
4)Why would anybody still listen to somebody who is stupid enough to get caught with a prescription not in his name who is already in trouble for the same offense? For someone who claims to be so smart and know what is best for America he is sort of stupid.

If only it had actually been oxycotin or something like that then we would be spared having to listen to that man's voice on the radio.

Now, I have sympathy for people who have issues with addiction or whatever and actually make solid, valid attempts at changing their life around. Why single out Rush? He has no empathy for anybody and he is so vocal about what is wrong with everyone else and how horrible they are and how they need to shut up/ die/ or whatever while his own glaring problem is right there! Why should he be forgiven when he is unwilling to do the same thing.


Plus I just don't like the man.

P.S.
Sorry I got my countries confused. . .he was in the Dominican Republic (thanks for pointing that out Brian.

Are You Kidding Me?

We started off with babes in bikinis, moved onto shirtless Chippendales, then spawned off a whole breed of calendars from every walk of life featuring half naked (or totally naked but strategically covered) people. You remember the old ladies in England or all those little towns trying to raise money for something that are featured on the talk shows where the people pose "naked". There are also, and I do enjoy these, the calendars with the naked guys from that French rugby team.

I get those.

What I don't get is the the calendar I read about on Kenneth in the (212) and then further on tmz.com. It seems there is a calendar going out and about with pictures of hot priests who look like celebs. Yup, sort of a Vatican beefcake calendar.

You have got to be kidding me right? First of all, who is going to hang this calendar in their bedroom and go all goo goo eyed over the priest in the cassock? Certainly not little Mary Margaret dreaming of becoming a nun (although I have known some freaky people in my life time who have had a priest fetish, but I'm sure this wasn't aimed at them). And what is with taking the holy men of the church and turning them into "sex" objects. I thought the Church was against the whole sexuality thing. I'm just absolutely baffled. I would like to know who thought that this was a great idea. Of course it will probably sell a good many just for the novelty of it.

Cutters Will Be Ejected

I so went off on a woman at Rite Aid today. She sauntered up and burst right in front of the woman who was in line in front of me. She plopped some sort of cosmetic thingie and counter and managed to tear her mouth away from her cell enough long enough to loudly declare to the cashier "I need to return this!"
I stood there for a second and waited for the woman in front of me to react. She didn't. She meekly stood there and let rude woman in front of her. At this point I had had enough of rude, irritating people on cell phones thinking that the world revolved around them and we should all bow down to whatever is most convenient for them.

I don't think so.

"Excuse me," I said rather loudly at which cell phone witch turned around and sneered and sort of hissed out "what?" in that valley girl-esque way.
"Yeah, there are three people in line ahead of you," I pointed out, just in case she was blind or something.
But no, the only reply was a sneered "I have to return this."

Wow, okay. . .I have to say I was a pissed right then. I then channeled my father at this point. I have actually heard him say this a few times growing up to people who have cut in line. "Yeah, well I just want to buy this. . . " (and here comes my Dad's line) ". . .so get your ass to the back of the line and wait your turn."

Can you believe I didn't get any applause for that. The man behind me chuckled but the lady in front of me looked mildly mortified. Oh well. . .I felt better at least.

Ooey Gooey!

I had to run some errands tonight so of course I went to my favorite store, Target. I had been going pretty much all day (this was at nine tonight after being on the go since six thirty this morning) and I was kinda hungry. I actually opted to go somewhat healthy and picked up a Yoplait Smoothie in a bottle thing to tide me over til I could get home and eat.

How should I put this? It tasted really good, that isn't the problem. The problem was the whole texture of it. It reminded me of what a whole cup of snot would feel like. Not crusty snot, the runny-I-have-a-cold snot from midwinter. You know, how it sort of congeals and just blobs out of your nose in spurts.

Yeah, my stomach did the same sort of flip after the first gulp as that mental image came to mind. The whole thing is, though, I'm a cheap Pollack. I spent a whole $1.52 on this damn thing. I actually sat back in my car and had an internal debate on what to do. Gulp it down and get my money out of it and hope I don't puke or just chuck it in the trash.

I'm proud to say I didn't puke at all.

Words Hurt

I think I have finally gotten one of my co-workers to stop insulting people by calling them a c*cks*ucker. My solution is to call someone you don't like a goat f*cker. Sure the Leauge for Goat Anti Defamation may get on your case, but they aren't as fab as GLAAD and have about 1/4 of the power.

Bluetooth

On my way too and from work today I saw something that kind of disturbed me. I saw three different policemen in three different cities with the bluetooth headsets on talking away. I'm really not sure if that is the new "standard", but if it isn't then I'm a bit peeved about it. I can't just randomly talk on the phone whenever I want to whoever I want. I'm paid to do my job and not chit chat on the phone and their job is a hell of a lot more important than mine is.
I hate those things anyhow. Who wants to run around looking like Seven of Nine (and nobody has as good of a body as she did. I wouldn't want to see most of those people wearing the headset in a bodysuit) having people think they are insane? Half the time I can't tell if the person is talking to me, themselves or into the headset.
We lived for thousands of years without having to be in constant contact with every person we know at every instant. For the love of whoever. . .just stop hang up the dang cell phone and live in the moment.

High School Musical

Okay, I have to admit that I rented High School Musical. In my defense it has been playing non stop at work with no sound. I just had to know what the heck was going on. And it is really funny because in a very sanitized Disney-esque kind of way it reminds me of High School, just a bit.

First of all there is the ambiguously gay theatre geek. Of course in my school one of the many ambiguously gay theatre geeks had their female co-conspirator that they (okay, we) followed around. Then there is always the drama around the auditions and who gets what part and how could that person have stolen "my" part (Okay, so I'm still a bit bitter Corey Adler stole the lead in Brigadoon from me. . .whatever!). Don't forget the overly dramatic drama coach who completely misinterprets everything.

What this version left out is just how raunchy the theatre "geeks" really were (you know what I'm talking about Gumby and Carrie). Talk about sanitized! But still it was kinda fun to watch and remember some of the good times.

Love and Memories

No, this isn't a post about my memories of lost loves (which could probably fill a book) but I just wanted to share this video because A)I love this song B)I think this guy's voice is so incredibly sexy C)I am happy he is as sexy as his voice D)I just bought the CD and love it E)I have no other ideas of what to post today

enjoy. . .



P.S.

It is O.A.R. from their album Stories of a Stranger.

Love and Memories

No, this isn't a post about my memories of lost loves (which could probably fill a book) but I just wanted to share this video because A)I love this song B)I think this guy's voice is so incredibly sexy C)I am happy he is as sexy as his voice D)I just bought the CD and love it E)I have no other ideas of what to post today

enjoy. . .

Hot Stuff Saturday

Okay, the song sucks but the hottie Eastern European men in here make up for that.

Parade Fun

In today's edition of the Plain Dealer there is an article about Ohio's Right to Life group and their latest idea to barrage us all. Their idea is to hand out dolls resembling a twelve week old fetus with a little note from the doll telling young girls not to abort it.

How precious!

This is from the same people who last summer hired a plane to trail a banner over the local area with an aborted fetus on it during rush hour. I'm sorry, but with all their talk it seems to me that they are the ones doing all the exploiting. . .and in a very tacky sort of way too.

Well, I decied the people who read this blog are pretty damn intelligent so I thought I'd have a little poll. Fell free to read the original article here
and then please vote in my poll and let me know what you think.

Future Ex Husband: Literary Edition

My latest addition to my posse of future ex husbands is author J. Maarten Troost. I have finally finished reading his second book Getting Stoned With Savages and I loved it. This man is very witty and funny in a sly kind of way. Unfortunately for me he is married with two kids, but I can dream can't I?

Yucko!

I finally went to the doctor today to get my ear checked out. I know, I know, two weeks is a long time to wait to get something checked out. . .especially for a hypochondriac. It's just that the weather has been so nice I didn't want to waste all the time sitting in a doctor's office. Besides, half the fun of being a hypochondriac is imagining all the delightful things that could be wrong with you, not actually finding out what is truly wrong.

Well it turns out that it was pretty mundane. My ear was just blocked with ear wax. Sounds simple doesn't it, but I'm talking like a cork in a wine bottle blocked up. All I have to say is I felt bad for that poor medical technician who had to irrigate my ear. It is kind of like picking somebody else's nose. Especially when the gelatinous mass comes gushing out of the ear to plop into the little container by the ear.

It was pretty unnerving for me as well. I have this thing about stuff in my ear. It just feels wrong like it is going to soak into my brain or something. So you can just imagine my horror as I had a mix of water and hydrogen peroxied shot at high pressure right into my ear. I thought I was gonna freak, it was like my brains were being washed out my ear!

But all is well and I can hear again. Whether that is a good thing or not I'll have to let you know later.

Myspace and Life

Did you hear about the lawsuit against Myspace to make it change its policies on how an adult may contact a child? Don't get me wrong, I think this is a good thing and probably should have been implemented a long time ago but what I'm wondering is where are the parents of these kids? Seriously! I think there should be a stupid tax levied against stupid parents.

Why?

Well it comes down to this. By choosing to have a child (whether intentionally or through neglecting to protect oneself) a person chooses all the responsibilities that go along with children. Such as monitoring them. Hence, the stupid tax.
Does your pre-teen have a computer with a internet access in their bedroom. . .you get a stupid tax.
Haven't checked your child's web history. . .stupid fine!
Haven't discussed with your child the importance of not putting personal information on the Web (such as phone number, address. . .) Bam! You get a stupid tax levied.
Does your child have unrestricted cell phone usage? You get an extra tax!

It really isn't difficult here people. It is pretty damn similiar to when we were kids just in a virtual world. Don't talk to strangers, don't accept anything from strangers, don't go to meet strangers, anyone who you haven't met in person is a stranger no matter how much you have emailed or I.M'd.

Yes teens are able to make many decisions for themselves and act in an appropriate way, but they are still hormone riddled and if a parent hasn't been in control and been communicating with them from day one, then really, what sort of value system do they have to base their judgements on?

Sorry. . .

. . .I missed yesterday. I finally got home from work and ran a few errands. I laid down for a minute and was collecting my thoughts and the next thing you know I was out like a light until this morning. Whew, I guess I really needed it!

WOW. ..

Do you have the Opie and Anthony show syndicated in your area? I have to admit that they do make me laugh on the drive home from work. It is that sort of middle school sort of humor that men will find funny til the end of time. The only thing is they have these WOW bumper stickers that stand for Whipem Out Wednesdays. Yes, they want the ladies to whip those out at guys with the bumper sticker on Wednesdays.

So a question for the ladies.

A guy shows up to pick you up for a date and has that bumper sticker. I imagine that the whole "Hey, show me your tits!" probably isn't the best of impressions. So what do you do? Still go or not?

And do those guys really expect to get something out of that? I find it hard to believe that those are regular chick magnents outside of the strip club.

Every Time I See A Hummer. . .

. . .especially the ones with new 30 day tags, I just want to scream at them to read a newspaper or watch the news or get just the smallest shred of social responsibility. Can't people find a different way to compensate for a small penis?

Love and Marriage. . .

Someone at work today asked me about my feelings about gay marriage. I gave her the usual b.s. . .equal rights under the law, power to the people, stability for families, blah, blah blah. Then she inquired exactly how I felt about it for me.

What?

Quite honestly at this point in my life I'm ambivilant towards the whole concept. Right now I'm more concerned about getting a damn date than vowing away the rest of my life to someone. Shoot, one step at a time.

She then asked what is so hard about dating. I'm sure she had to have been kidding because dating sucks for everyone, doesn't it? I mean first of all I have to find someone who can deal with my crap (I'm not pleasant the very rare times I get drunk, passive-aggressive, yada yada yada), then I have to find someone who meets my list of standards. Now my standards aren't really all that aggressive, yet you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find someone who meets them.
1)Be Single
2)Be employed. Any job will do, just be employed
3)Have a car and a drivers liscence
4)Don't be completely ass ugly.
5)Didn't vote for Bush.

See, not too difficult you'd think until you are thrust out into the dating scene at 30 something and realize even those are having high expectations.

This is why I'd much rather be at home with a good book on a Friday night out than on another date that you have try to wiggle out of early.

I'm Like What?

Um, okay. . .

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Don't Get It. . .

I went to look at a new car today, only half ass expecting to buy. I really don't understand the math that they use. A $20,000 car would have cost me $262 a month for 60 months. Yup, the math comes up to 15,700 or so. So what does the car actually cost? Not only that, but I so suck at the whole haggling thing. I tried, but kinda failed and I didn't get the car. . .not that it wasn't an okay car, but I just didn't love it enough to try to figure out the double speak and "new" math. Does anybody actually get this or is not understanding the car buying process part of the gay gene?

Abstain From This

I just have to mention one more thing that really pisses me off about abstinence only sexual education. What about the gay and lesbian kids? They are teaching these kids that sex is only for marriage and to not have any sex at all until then. Besides me saying "Humph, like that is ever going to happen" I have to say "damn!" just make a bad situation worse. These kids already know they are different and now are being told to hold out for something that they will never be able to acheive (at least not if they live anywhere except for Mass). Not only that but I read an article about a young man who was infected with HIV when he was 14 years old because nobody ever told him about safer sex, condoms, or disease. It was his first time having sex. This is what happens when we don't give our children the knowledge they need to make informed choices. We, as a society, are condemning them to death. Seems a bit harsh? It is the truth. Just look at the facts. HIV infection rates are up 11% and guess what the highest demographic rate for infection is?

P.S.

Here are a couple of links to places with info that should help if you are a parent and don't know where to start, if you don't know anything about responsible sex but want to know, or places to get answers to some questions that are off the wall

Planned Parenthood
Advocates for youth
Sex ed links

Dang. . .

. . .now I can't hate President Bush totally now that he has finally done something I approve of. Of course I'm sure he as at the White House right now saying "Laura, I'm so happy that white trash homo is proud of something I've done." I'm talking about his creation of the marine sanctuary in Hawaii. See what happens when his approval ratings drop really low. Of course it is a crap shoot. . .create marine sanctuary or declare Massachusetts a part of the axis of evil. You never know what you are going to get.

Saturday. . .YEAH!

Those trunks would look great. . .on my floor


And a double feature today. . .do a little dance

Just an Add On

I don't think I made it clear in my last post, but abortion is not the solution. Nobody thinks abortion is a solution or a good thing or the right choice. Even my most rabid, feminist, bra burning aquaintances do not believe abortion is right/ good/ the answer. Unfortunately, it has become a "fall back" and a hot button topic. My whole point is that we can all make abortion completely unnecessary through one very simple and painless step. Educating our children about sex. Not "don't do it until you are married" or "sex is bad unless you are trying to spawn more children".

I'm not going to spout off statistics in this post because quite frankly I have a horrible headache and don't feel like rooting around for my notebook with all sorts of statistics in it, but we can all tell that absitence only sex education is not working. I had a young girl working for me who got pregnant her first time because she honestly believed she couldn't get preggers from the first time. These kids have no clue! They don't know what options are out there and are only thinking of the moment, not for a life time.

Sex is great and sex is fun, but sex also has a lot of baggage and can kill.

And one more thing I'd like to add to my list of to teach. . .

Guys, if you aren't mature enough to go into a store to buy condoms, then you aren't mature enough to have sex!

Say What?

I was reading in the local weekly tabloid about a proposed abortion ban in Ohio that really goes to the extremes. I'm talking about including charging women with felonies who go to another state for an abortion (and those who assist them) when they return to our "lovely" state. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "Woo-hoo, suck those bad boys out!" by any stretch of the imagination. I can't imagine anyone who thinks that abortions are the best thing since sliced bread. In fact I think everyone would be much happier if there wasn't any need for abortions.

Except for the right wing bigots who are trying to tell all of us exactly how to live our lives!

That is right, the ones who oppose abortion the most are actually right in there making sure that woman after woman needs them. How is that you may ask. Simple, by the mere fact that they also want to deny ANY sort of education on how to prevent pregnancy from reaching anyone.

I believe this is so the can continue their scare campaigns to score not only votes, but money from gullible people who actually think that these people care about them. Guess what! The fat cats don't care about anyone but themselves. When Muffy finds herself in the family way you can bet that after slipping the family doc an extra 20 or 30 grand the problem will just. . . disappear!

But when Crystal gets herself knocked up because A)nobody told her she had to take the pills everyday B)her boyfriend had no clue how to use the condom properly or C) she really believed the fallacy that she couldn't get pregnant the first time then either she will continue into her cycle of poverty or have to scrape up money for a coat hanger solution that will probably end up killing/ maiming her.

Does that sound anything at all like a place you want to live?

Here is a brief list of the things that I would like to see taught besides the obvious put a damn condom on it or go home and jack off!
1)That you better be stable before having a kid. Children don't provide stability, they rock the boat. You better be sure you won't sink
2)Men lie to get sex. We will say/ do just about anything to get some so if you don't take steps to be informed and protect yourself, then no one will (and that goes for young homosexual guys too!)
3)You better love yourself before you go out and have sex. Sex won't validate you or make you feel better about yourself if you already hate yourself.
4)Be sure you know the real reason that you are going to do it. If that "true" reason doesn't make you feel comfortable then WAIT!

This is just a small listing and I better step off my soap box now before I send my blood pressure soaring.

Future Ex Husband. . .Latin Edition

I was watching Chasing Papi today and all I have to say is "Oh my!" Eduardo Verastegui is one of the hottest men I have seen in a very long time. Let's all just take a moment and absorb the hottiness that he embodies. . .

Oops. . .

. . .I flipped off a nun today while out and about running errands. In my defense though she really, really deserved it. I mean, where did she learn to drive? In Jersey City? Of course as soon as I realized it was nun that I honked my horn at and flipped off I felt intensly guilty. Must be that residual fear of Sister Elaine cropping up again!

Since I'm on the topic of religion (in a round about sort of way at least) have you ever noticed that when you drive by a church (specifically a Catholic Church I've noticed since we have about five million in the surrounding area) on a Saturday afternoon that the people going to mass really don't seem to care about traffic at all. They will just cross the road right in front of anything. It is almost like they think they have their Jesus cloak of immunity on and no car can hit them as they cross against traffic. What's up with that?

This One Is For Bill. . .

. . .but a word of warning: while this is really funny, the last twenty seconds or so are a bit risque. Just to warn those of you with delicate sensiblities, you may want to quit watching right after the truth or dare bit (except you Bill, you have to watch the whole damn thing. And yes Lauren, I can hear you laughing all the way in Parma!)

Ah, The Joy

One of the souvenirs I brought back from Montreal was an ear infection. My right ear has been totally blocked up for almost a week now. I gotta say I'm kind of enjoying the peace and quiet. I don't have to listen to the inane chatter of my customers or the annoying music playing in the store. I wonder if this could be the reason I have been uncharacteristically calm these past two days? I'll find out soon enough because I'm on my way to the doctor to get it looked at. I figure I better before it turns into ear cancer or gangrene or something really gross.

Huh. . .

. . .tell me something I didn't know

You are a Social Liberal (63% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (31% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Gotta Love Henry. . .

. . .Rollins. This is an awesome clip and speaks for itself. . .






found this on Weighing In Without the Cookies

Back To The Grind. . .

. . .and it really wasn't so bad. I should have had a bit more faith in my employees (sorry, I mean team members or whatever the hell the current buzz term is). I actually maintained my zen like calm all day long. Quite nice. . . hope it lasts a bit longer! Even more exciting though is that Getting Stoned With Savages came out today. I'm so jazzed I can't wait to start reading it later on.

p.s.
Sorry D., there was only one copy in the store but I'll let you read it when I'm done.

Ugh!

It is back to work in the morning. . .yuck! I am so dreading walking through those doors tomorrow and finding out all the horrible things that have happened. Okay, I could be wrong and everything went better than great, but I know past experience has shown that there will have been some sort of drama bomb that went off while I was gone. Hopefully whatever it was will be a very quick and easy fix. . .wish me luck ya'll!

Home Again. . .

. . .and rested up. I got in last night at about 8:30 was tired as all get out. The car trip home is never as exciting as the trip there and I swear I had to stop at every single service station and rest area to pee which just added time onto the trip home. It is good to be home, but I still miss Montreal. As I was leaving the city the sun finally peeked out from behind the clouds, but what can you do? Just roll with it I guess. That and I'll have to go back again. There is still so much there that I haven't done. I still would like to go see St. Joseph's (yes Gumby, the site of all that Catholic Voodoo that I really don't get either even though I was raised Catholic), Notre Dame, the biodome, the funky little historic towns on the outskirts, just a whole lot there to see and do (speaking of seeing, I saw the most gorgeous shopkeeper there. I was literally dumbstruck by how drop dead gorgeous this man was!). Ah well, I'll leave it off here with just a few quick pics that I haven't posted from Montreal yet then back to my good ole bitter overworked self again.

Montreal Day 3

I am so sad, today is my last day in Montreal. I wish I could stay a lot longer because this city rocks. Today I went out and along the streets of the Latin quarter again to see the sights. AFter a quick break I then climbed to the top of Mont Royal. Dang my legs are sore from that, but what a view. You can see the whole city from the up there. If the weather was nicer I'm sure I could have seen some hot guys jogging shirtless, but the healthy crowd was pretty sparse in this rain. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to come back again. . .and soon!

P.S.

Thanks jogger guy for the pic!

It Is Saturday Again

And do I have a treat for ya'll (what you thought just because I was on vacation I wouldn't have any hotties for you today, eh?). Sometimes the clean cut men are nice, but sometimes scruffy is much better like this guy. Wow! Those abs are amazing, but not as great as his smile.

More Montreal

Yes I have a few more pictures to share. These are from yesterday when I ambled down Rue St. Denis. It is a fantastic street in the Latin Quarter that has all sorts of funky shops, restaurants, and coffee shops. It was great just strolling along and taking it all in. The people watching wasn't so bad either. There were more than a few men who I wanted to say "Bon jour, for sure!" to. Damn, what is it that makes these French Canadian men so damn hot?

Montreal Day 2

I went to the botanic gardens today and they are amazing. D. and I went there last year in March and saw the butterfly exhibit (very cool, but a little creepy too) but I didn't realize how much else there is there in the nice weather. One word of advice though, save the Chinese Garden for last. It is utterly amazing and makes for a fantastic finale to your visit to the gardens.

Now I Know Why. . .

. . .the men in Montreal have such great butts. Wow, there are a lot of hills here. On the upside it creates a lot of nice butts to be looking at. Another thing I noticed is that there are a lot of stylish people here. I have never seen so many designer jeans in one place.
I also have to wonder how some of these little boutique shops stay in business. I walked by a shop that was huge but had maybe five or six nasty looking fiber art pieces in it. It must be some sort of money laundering scheme.
I am also glad that I booked the hotel I did. I am about two blocks away from the old town part of Montreal, three blocks away from the gay village, and not far at all from all the shopping on Ste. Catherine's street. All in all I would have to say a good choice, especially since I have the free wireless Internet that lets me check up on my email and all that jazz.
I'm just in for a few moments to rest my tired feet then off to Chinatown for a bit of dinner then some more wandering around town. I don't want ya'll to be too jealous though. . .it is only about 62 degrees here and drizzling and it is supposed to stay that way the whole time. . .oh well, at least I am away from work and don't have to deal with the stress!

Bon Soir. . .

. . .mes amis. I have arrived in Montreal. Not bad time, it only took about 13 hours to make a nine hour drive. Now I just need to hop in the shower to wipe the road grime away and get some sleep for a full day tomorrow!

p.s.
It is a real pain in the buttocks to drive in a city where you don't understand a single thing the road signs are saying. . .ah yes, I am so the intrepid adventurer aren't I?

What the. . .

I was just reminiscing with a friend about that show Fraggle Rock from the eighties. I don't remember much about it, but I remember I like it. We were trying to figure out though just what the hell they were or what the inspiration for them was. Whatever they were they were way better than the crap kids have now. . .I mean tinky winky? C'mon!

Packing

I have an issue with packing. . .this is what I have packed right now for a four day trip. Three polo shirts, four button down short sleeve shirts, two long sleeve button down shirts, four tee shirts, four pairs of shorts, three pairs of jeans, two pairs of khaki pants, ten pair underwear, two swimsuits (the hotel doesn't have a pool btw), four pair tan socks, five pair black socks, three pairs of shoes, two pairs of sandals and two pair of running shorts (I don't really run).

That doesn't even include sundries like books to read or shaving stuff. . .

I think I need to weed some stuff out or they might think I'm trying to emigrate (although if a Royal Canadian Mounty was looking for a husband. . .)

Have You Been. . .

. . .to the movies lately? D. and I went this morning to go see X-Men 3. I loved it, she hated it. It was, however, worth it to hear her after the movie bandying about such phrases as "Class 5 Mutant". We'll make a geek of her yet! But that is beside the point, what I really want to know is have you seen the commercials they are playing before the movie. Specifically the bed wetting one for the night time diapers.

What in the hell were those mother's thinking pushing those poor kids to do that commercial. You know they are all (especially that one little boy with the tragic bowl haircut) getting their asses kicked on the playground to a chorus of "bed wetter, bed wetter."

You'd think a parent would think and have just a smidge of compassion before selling their child out like that.

My French Lessons

I have been listening to these CD's to brush up on my French before I head off to Montreal on Wednesday. They are actually helping. Okay, my accent still sounds like I'm a retarded Texan trying to speak French, but at least I have some vocabulary now. The only thing is I think that these CD's were designed to pick up chicks.

Oh sure it starts off innocently enough asking how the French lady is. She answers all polite that she is fine. Then we suavely move on to asking if she is French or American while boldly proclaiming to her the "Je suis American ya'll!" That must have fallen flat because then we proceed to ask her where a whole variety of streets and boulevards are. Obviously she has fallen for our charms because now we are asking if she would like to eat something, or perhaps drink something. I'm almost scared to see what comes in the next lesson. . . will we be asking about STD's? Or maybe if she knows what that funny rash could be?

Well, if I can just figure out how to switch up the genders maybe it could come in handy. . .hell, I can't strike out any worse hitting on someone in French than I already do in English.

Hot Stuff Saturday

This is Serg from Serg's Blog. Can you say yummy?

Bad Date #2

I had been on two or three dates with this one guy before. He was a real cutie, kind of Supermanesque looking. We had gone out to a rather trashy bar and were getting a comfortable buzz going and just being goofballs in general. He had been talking to this couple who were sitting at the bar and finally through the haze of my beer buzz I finally realized he was trying to pick them up.

To go back to his place. . .

With us! Mind you at this point the two of us hadn't even had sex yet and he was already trying to bring more people in on it. Needless to say that one ended pretty quickly.

Bad Date

D. was kind enough to share two of her dating horror stories at her blog so I thought "hey, that is a good idea! I think I'll steal. . .er. . .add to it!" So here it goes.

A few months after my ex of eleven years and I had finally put the finishing touches on our doomed relationship and broke up, a friend set me up on a blind date (and no it wasn't D. Don't go blaming her for this one). I figured I had known this person for awhile so they had a good sense of who I was and what I was looking for.

I met Mystery Mr. X at a coffee shop in the gay ghetto of Cleveland and boy was I in for a shock. It wasn't the looks department that bothered me because he wasn't bad looking at all, but do you remember Fran Dreschers voice. . .yeah it was like that. Well we had some coffee and I listened to slurp, slurp, slurp until he decided to get some pastry. He must have been on the seafood diet because as he ate he continued to talk and talk and chomp and smack and slide the fork along his teeth and chomp some more and talk while mushing the cake into some sort of horrible scene from The Exorcist.

I was surprised I could keep myself from gagging but luckily I had set my fail safe. I programed the alarm on my cell phone to go off about 1 hour after we were supposed to meet that way if things went wrong (which they did) I could make my escape or ignore it if things went right. Turns out I had to pretend like it was work calling to escape Mr. See Food Chomper.

Yucko!

Gay Marriage Perspective From A Straight Man

This is a pretty darn good argument for gay marriage from a straight man. I have to say I'm impressed. Read some of his other posts too. . .he is quite well spoken.

Queer Month

In celebration of June and Pride Month and all that I thought I would post this little music video that celebrates everything that is tacky and wrong! Sometimes it is fun to be White Trash!



By the Way. . .is this guy for real? This has got to be some kind of joke right? RIGHT?