2 New

I added 2 new blogs to my blogroll. . .Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket and my new favorite Is This Really My Life. Oh man, she really deserved a bestest blog of the day. . .and I thought my job sucked!

Zoom Zoom

Okay, I realize that that is the Mazda catch phrase but whatever. I finally did it after months of hemming and hawing. I finally went out and got a new car. It is an 06 Chevy Cobalt and I got a good deal on it (at least I think I did and that is all that counts) since they are clearing out the 06's to make room for the 07's. I forgot how nice it was to be in a shiny happy new car. Oddly though, I do miss my old car just a little bit. She was a good car and was always good to me. We had been through a lot together. Oh well, I guess I can make new memories with this car.

Hmmm

I bought a really nifty belt buckle at the Renaissance Fair on Sunday. It is a great Celtic knot pattern in pewter and black. . .stuff. The only thing I don't know is where do I get a belt that I can put a belt buckle on? I already did my favorite store, Target, and didn't find one. So where exactly does one go to get a belt that you can put your own buckle on?

What Are You Putting In Your Mouth

I thought for my 300th post (can you believe that? 300 already!) I figured a little double entendre was in order. It is amazing what was so innocent back then takes on a whole new meaning now. . .

MOM! I got a question for ya!

The Fair

I finally went to my first Renaissance Fair this weekend and I loved it. The one I went to is Ohio's Renaissance Fair (exit #45 of off I-71 in Waynesville). It was so nifty. They had all these little buildings made that housed craft vendors and there were all sorts of different jousting shows, or jugglers, or mini plays and a bunch of rides for the kids that used all man power. There was one that I wanted to try (but I was way to big) where they put the kid on a horse on a pulley and send him down the slide to try to joust the ring in the dragons mouth.

Cheesy but fun.

Okay, I am so opening myself up in this next part to incessant teasing (mostly by D. I'm sure) but in the interest of full disclosure I'm going to just come out and say it. I wish I had dressed up to go. The people in costume were all having way too much fun and some of those costumes are really cool (and by cool I mean in a Samuel Jackson, D&D, L.A.R.P. kind of cool. So I guess not cool at all). Some people put a lot of time and effort into their costumes and deserved the attention they were getting. It was really adorable seeing the one family where the mom and three little girls all under 8 were all dressed up (with the Dad in his Browns sweatshirt and jeans walking a few paces behind). Let's face it, that put me in touch with my inner geek. Too bad my inner geek has really expensive taste. This one pair of boots that I fell in love with were $475! Yikes. I don't even want to know how much the leather cloak (with a really kickin' cloak pin) was.

In the end I settled for a Celtic knot belt buckle and some incense but maybe next year.

ACK

I am more conservative than I thought. Does that mean that 25% of me likes Bush? Nope, no sir. There have got to be conservatives out there that can't stand what that man is doing to our country too. . .if there are then that is the 25% consersative part that I belong to.

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

I'm Back. . .

. . .from my weekend getaway. Of course the extra hour added onto my drive home due to construction wasn't so peaceful, but the rest of it was great. Here is a quick preview from the Ohio Renaissance Festival (and no I didn't dress up but. . .well, we'll save that for another post).

Hot Stuff Saturday

Is one day early. I'm out for the weekend. Be back Sunday night after heading down to Columbus for the weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that it stops raining so I can get to the Renaissance Fair. . .

Short but oh so sweet vid for HSS

Pass the Crown

I was over at D.'s little brother Nothing's blog and was amazed. He came up with a new word that did me and D. proud.

Prostitot.

How well that plays right into our game of Russian or Hooker. How well that fits right into our general conversations. Damn, I wish I had thought of that one myself! Then I realized. Is it time to pass the crown of snarky bitterness to a new generation?

But no, not yet. That was when I realized being bitter and snarky is just one of those things that gets better with age. Sure I may have lost my six pack and my ass might start drooping and was that a crows foot I saw on my eye but dammit it all I still have my bitterness that only gets sharper as the years go on.

Yes he is showing a promising start but he is still in high school and beneath that veneer of snarkiness is still a glimmer of hope that still has yet to be beaten down by the man (aka the govt, jury duty, a job you hate, significant others who totally suck and not in the good way, etc). Enjoy the glimmers of hope you still have left just waiting to get chipped away one by one and D. and I will maintain our firm grip on the dual crowns of bitterness and snarkiness for awhile longer.

Bigfoot Is Gonna Get You!

Reading Morgen's review of Sylvia Browne's book over at Creative Truth made me chuckle for more reason than one. In it he reveals his irrational fear of Bigfoot. My brother also has an irrational fear of Bigfoot. I remember as a child he would freak out whenever previews for that horrid movie Harry and the Hendersons would play. He would also obsessively collect and watch anything Bigfoot related which would also play into his fears.
That was how I got my revenge.
My brother is 7 years older and a hell of a lot bigger than I am. He is also smarter so it was pretty damn difficult to get him. When he was in high school my parents converted our drive in garage into a little apartment for him with a glass door windows at ground level (the basement was at the back of the house which was on a hill so you drove down the driveway and basically parked under the dining room). That was also about the time when I aquired a set of Bigfoot slippers and Bigfoot gloves that were super hairy.
You can see where this was going. . .and it was all done with the blessing of my parents. . .
Let me tell you what. . .when I knocked on that door with the creepy bigfoot hands and walked the hairy Bigfoot boot into view he screamed like a little girl. It was a beautiful thing. Of course this came back to kick me in the butt years later.
One summer my brother and I stayed up late night downloading Bigfoot screams off of the Internet. Of course this coincided with me having to drive to New Jersey, at night, alone, at one in the morning. Yeah, I was pretty much the only car on the road for a long stretch of I-76 and all I could obsess over was what I would do if Bigfoot jumped in front of my car. I got so freaked out I had to wait until dawn before I could pull over to use the restroom just in case Bigfoot was hanging out at the Pennsylvnia turnpike rest areas.

So yes Morgen. . .I do understand the irrational fear of Bigfoot.

Kinky Boots

I just bought Kinky Boots yesterday and I absolutely LOVED it! I can't believe I did not go see this in the theatres. It was just a great, enjoyable movie. It is your typical guy is losing shoe factory meets drag queen and gets dumped by work-a-holic girlfriend but finds love with the girl next door who has really good business ideas and inspires said young man to try the road less travelled hence the need to make two feet of tubular sex with heels (really spicy boots for drag queens) to wow them all in Milan while still having time to learn a lesson about your fellow man (even if he is a man in a frock).

Whew!

You try to say all that in one breath.

Anyhow, that is the Readers Digest condensed version of the movie that doesn't do it any justice at all. Trust me, for a light comedy with just enough of a twist to be slightly bent this is a great flick.

Please Be Kind. . .

. . .to cashiers. Why? Well a little bit of background first. Many of you know I manage a coffee shop in a noble bookstore that is not in a barn (yes, that was big hint and not a non sequitor) and as such sometimes I help out on the book floor. Well last night I had to man the front cash registers for an hour and it was hell. I really don't know how the usual cashiers do it all day!

The first was a guy who brought a book with the cellophane ripped off of it. He wanted a discount because the cellophane wrapping was torn off (probably by one of the three out of control brats he had with him). "Okay, I can give you a 10% discount," I conceded reluctantly knowing he was just scamming. Then he tried to tell me that at another of our bookstores the book was 5$. Nope, not true, and I politely informed him of that. Then he said that it was 5$ at our competitiors. . .would I match it? Hmmm, let me think. Nope. Especially not after running through the other scams. He probably should have started off with that one if he hoped to catch someone, not break it out third. "Fine, maybe I'll just go there then," he said trying to threaten me. Well the nearest one of our competitior's stores is about 20 minutes away and he was a dick so I replied "Okay, I'll just have someone put this back on the shelf for you. Have a great night," in my cheeriest fake perky voice. Needless to say he caved when his kid started wailing and bought the book. . .and I didin't give him the 10% either.

Next up was a woman who plopped eight books on the counter and told me to "Wrap these!" in an imperious tone of voice. Alright, whatever. I pulled off some paper and she started bitching "That is the paper you are using?"
"Yes ma'am," I replied continuing on.
"I want that paper," she said pointing to a display of wrapping paper we had on sale.
"Sure," I said. "If you want to buy that wrapping paper I'd be happy to use it to wrap your gifts."
She looked perplexed at this. "But then it wouldn't be free gift wrap," she told me as if she was speaking to a retarded four year old.
"That's right," I replied calmly.
"Fine," she spat. "Just wrap it in that. I'll be back."
Whatever, so I calmly proceeded to wrap the books up for her. When I want to I can be a good gift wrapper and I was taking my time wrapping the presents up for her when she stomped back and looked at the three I had already wrapped. "There is a wrinkle in the paper," she practically shrieked at me pointing to a corner where the paper was indeed wrinkled where it was folded to wrap around the corner of the book. "I can't have that! I am very partciular and picky about the way my gifts are wrapped." she stated staring at me.
"Well, I can give you paper if you want to wrap them yourself," I said foolishly thinking that that was the simplest answer. "Rewrap these," she said pointing her clawed finger at me.

OH HELL NO.

I just pulled off a huge chunk of paper and handed it to her rolled up neatly and told her "I think you would be much happier wrapping these yourself since I can't seem to do it well enough."
What the hell does she think she is gonna get from free gift wrapping at a bookstore?

UGH!

Sometimes work is enough to make you hate people!

Hot Stuff Saturday

Whew! Thank God for equality and the fact that men can be treated as eye candy now too!

Love Penn&Teller/ Hate The Boy Scouts

You definitely need to see this before letting your kids join the Boy Scouts

Now I Get It

I never understood all those warnings on food "Place on microwave safe plate". I guess maybe it is because we got our first microwave when I was 8 so it has played a major part in my life, especially since Mom never was that good of a cook. Add to that the fact that I am merely jumped up white trash so we never had fancy plates and such just very utilitarian stuff that all seemed to work just fine in the microwave. It has all been just peachy keen fine with me and the micro (well, except for that unfortunate incident with the chinese takeout box, but I was REALLY drunk at the time so that doesn't count).

At least until this morning when I was microwaving a cup of coffee (yes that is gross I know, but I didn't want to wait for a whole fresh pot). I randomly pulled out the first cup that my hand came across and popped it in the trusty micro and pushed the "beverage" button. Turns out when you put actual ceramic mugs in the microwave the get REALLY freaking hot. I now have a nice little blister to remind me not to use THAT mug again.

Let's Play A Game

Damn, now I find out why all those hot guys play sports!

Funny Quiz

Blush. . .

What Your Underwear Says About You

It's important that your underwear doesn't offend anyone - in case you get in a car accident. Your idea job: gigolo. Or naked cowboy.

The Underwear Oracle

To Answer a Few Questions. . .

I just wanted to answer a few questions that have been put to me whether by comments or emails. . .

The links- there is no sort of ranking going on with my links. I just set up a blogrolling account and have it list the links by most recently updated so I can see who has updated for me to hop on over to read.

The Music- Yes, my taste in music is as bad as D. claims. For instance in my Top 25 played I have three Cher songs, two Abba songs, one ABBA remix, two Kelly Clarkson remixes, and a remix of Barry Manilow's Copacabana. So yes, my taste in music really does suck, but I like it!

The Schooling- I am back in school working on an Information Technology degree.

The Dating Status- I have been single for awhile now, but recently started seeing someone with some promise. . .don't want to blog about it and jinx it though.

In Addition to the Above- No, it is not D. that I am seeing. . .if you have read my blog up to now it should be apparent that I am gay. To the person who asked this I really hope it was a brain fart moment that made you ask that and not a failure to comprehend.

John Mayer

Just cause I love this song. . .

On My A$$

My allergies have been going a bit crazy this week so I finally took the advice of someone and took something for it. What I took was the Tylenol Allergy and Sinus stuff with the cool burst stuff. What exactly is the cool burst? I have no idea because I had no cool burst like effects after taking it. What I did experience was an extreme state of out-of-it-ness. The package should not say "may cause drowsiness" it should say "this $hit will have you all cracked up, dawg".

A Great Response

C4u posted a great reply to my Wow posting a few days back and she did give me permission to share it with ya'll. . .now if only all mothers felt this way!


...my oldest son, a very imaginative, chess-playing, TaeKwonDo'ing, Cub Scoutin' gorgeous 6 year old announced at 4 yrs.: "I'm marrying Evan when I grow up." Evan is my best friend's son...his best friend.

The comment stemmed from his sweet innocent love for his best friend. At the time, however, a number of girlfriends/guy friends reacted with, "You'd better work on that kid!"

Now, mind you, I've got some great, kind-hearted, loving friends, but remember this is the Bible Belt, Southern Baptist state of TX. I responded wholeheartedly, nonetheless, "You know what? It may just be that my Son would like to bring home a Boyfriend at Thanksgiving someday. I love that child, and I'll love whomever the great person is that he picks to share with us."

I DO mean it. I couldn't love him any less than that. =)

Hot Stuff Saturday

Down on the farm. . .

Welcome To IKEA

Christopher sent me these originally so then I had to go to Youtube to find them to share with ya'll cause I thought they were so freaking funny!

Hackey Sacks

This weekend I was down in Columbus for the holiday weekend and I was a little disturbed by what I saw. Everywhere I looked people had these teeny tiny little dogs just walking around. When I say teeny, I mean minute little dogs. These dogs made ankle biters look huge. Essentially it was like having a hackey sack on a leash. It wasn't just socialites or little old ladies either. Even the young muscular guys had these little irritating bits of bed lint. Whatever happened to the good old days when dogs actually looked like dogs and not something someone picked out of their belly button?

Wow

I found this one over at Weighing In Without the Cookies. It is a post card sent into Post Secret and it makes me want to cry for some reason.

Wow

I found this one over at Weighing In Without the Cookies. It is a post card sent into Post Secret and it makes me want to cry for some reason.

What In The World. . .

. . .is going on in this pic? Is he auditioning for Robin Hood Men In Tights: Part Deux Middle Age? Nope, although he did ask me if he was now looking ready to play "on my team" wink wink nudge nudge (the answer is no btw. . .not until he does a hell of a lot more sit ups). Nope, this is just part of working the retail life. Gotta love doing the costume characters!

Blogacide

Okay, you have to stop by Blogacide and check out the suicide note generator. It is so wrong, and so funny all at the same time. This is my "political" suicide generated note. Great find there Derek.


September 4, 2006

Dear "World";


Pursuant to an online suicide petition I electronically signed prior to this election, I must kill myself. Unfortunately, my views lost at the ballot box. With a clearer mind, I see my beliefs weren't exactly worth dying for, or even moving to Canada over. Actually, the goals and ideals I have for a society can still be achieved even though the election didn't go how I wanted it to.

Nevertheless, I did affix my e-signature to that e-suicide petition and made my life conditional on the outcome of this election. Maybe a death ultimatum wasn't the best way to convince the electorate that my choices were the most environmentally sound, economically prudent and altruistically just. Or maybe those cocksucker voters just wanted to see if I really would do it.

Obviously, In hindsight, a status quo TV ad calling someone a communist heroin addict who drives pre-teens across state lines to get abortions would have swayed more votes. In any case, I knew what I was doing when I briefly scrolled the Terms and Conditions box, checked 'Accept', clicked on 'Submit' and digitally added VinnieG to that suicide database. I had visions of grandeur. I still remember the picture of that Vietnamese monk on fire and thinking 'How fucking cool is that?' But I guess protesting the illegal invasion of your country, protecting a thousand year old culture and trying to prevent the slaughter of your fellow citizens, is probably a more noble cause to die for than anything that will ever find its way onto a ballot.


If only I had realized that prior to Tuesday,


VinnieG


P.S. I hope all that jesus and god and heaven bullshit is real.

Zen Gesner: Future Ex Husband

Heck, even just for his kick ass name! Do you remember him from that syndicated series the New Adventures of Sinbad? That was where I first developed a crush on him. I rediscovered him when I watched the Ringer last night (much better than I expected). Of course he plays a jerk in the film, but damn is he nice to watch.

Hot Stuff Saturday

Is getting posted a bit early since I will be out of town until Sunday night. . .so enjoy!



Hmm, I need some ironing done too!

Careful What You Wish For. . .

. . .because it might just come true. What made me think of this? There has been a spate of stories in the local papers about lawyers getting their clients off thanks to the passage of issue #1. Issue #1 was the "family values" legislature to deny the right of marriage to homosexuals. Turns out though that somebody didn't quite do their homework in their rush to write predjudice into the Ohio constitution. They created a lovely little loophole so that if a man abuses his girlfriend it can't be domestic abuse because no according to Article XV Section 11.

Only a union between one man and one woman may be a marriage valid in or recognized by this state and its political subdivisions. This state and its political subdivisions shall not create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals that intends to approximate the design, qualities, significance or effect of marriage.

Therefore a man who kicks the crap out of his girlfriend is not guilty of domestic violence. Sorry gals, no protection for you. And the kicker is 61.7% of Ohioans voted for this nonsense. I'm not saying that that it is right or fair that these guys are getting off with lesser charges, if any at all. . .all I want to say is nothing got taken away from me that I already had. Passing this legislature really did not hurt me. . .but it did take away some valuable protection for a segment of society that really needed so the next time the conservatice right wingers start spouting off you just better do some checking because you never know what they will be stealing away from you.