Cafe Conversations

So the other day this women comes up to the counter and she looks like she has been through absolute hell. She had obvious plastic surgery scars, huge bags under her eyes, her hair was half falling out from a really bad dye job, and her clothes would have looked inappropriate on a sixteen year old anorexic let alone a sixty year old freak show. To top it off the woman had obviously never been taught that please and thank you are customary to use and that you should really be polite to people who are serving you food type items. Anyway she was out of my face within two minutes. A bit later I am cleaning up spilled drinks and I overhear her talking to her friend and she was saying "and she can't understand why she has no friends. I told her it was because she was such a bitch. Look at me, I told her, I have so many friends not because I am beautiful but because I am nice to everyone!"

Excuse me! Okay, maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder but give me a break. Maybe she hadn't looked in the mirror in thirty or forty years and the nice to everyone!?! Don't make me laugh. Ah well, it must be a happy little world that she lives in.

New. . .

. . .favorite song. I love this song (Here) in your arms by Hellogoodbye. There is just something so catchy and fun about. I also love the video

One More. . .

Christmas song. This one is actually my favorite Christmas song and I love this rendition

Can't Always Win

I usually do quite well with my choices of presents. My niece liked almost everything I got her but when she came to the last present (a talking body parts game that is much cooler than it sounds here) she looked up at me and said "This would be a good choice for you but a bad choice for me." I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Ah well, maybe next year. . .

How Appropriate

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

I Wish You

A very festive and happy non--denominational winter day! Okay Damn it! Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, Blessed Kwanzaa, Happy Solstice, Joyous Whatever. . .

I Don't Know. . .

. . .at this point which is worse, family or Christmas? All I do know is put the two of them together and I already need more valium than I have. I can't believe I am saying this, but going into work today is going to be such a relief!

The Polls are In. ..

. . .and it is a tie between the teetotalers and the he-men strong and black drinkers. I guess I am the only frou-frou coffee drinker who likes the lattes. Oh yeah, and the two of you who like it ground up in the freezer? Maybe the two of you can get together sometime.

A Little Seasonal Cheer. . .

Future Ex Husband Friday

Who knew tennis players could be so hot. This weeks FEH is Robby Ginepri. I am in amazed awe of those arms!

p.s.
Sorry to get this posted so late, crazy hours at work with Christmas right around the corner.

Excursion

Today Tracy and I went to City Buddha in Ohio city. Damn I love that store, they have all sorts of funky/ cool/ crazy stuff there. Anyway, the man working at the counter looked like Dr. McDreamy with all that wavy hair and dimples and stuff. Poor Tracy was all flabbergasted as she was cashing out. As I lent her some money she spluttered at Mr. Handsome Shopkeeper "He is so good at not being my boyfriend!" The poor man was practically speechless as I just busted out laughing. So the next time you stop in there say hi to Mr. Dreamy Shop man for Tracy (trust me, you'll know who I am talking about).

Cafe Conversations

I don't have an actual conversation for today but I do have a few observations. Why is it that the Christmas spirit involves being nasty to your fellow man? Guess what people when Jesus was talking about that whole "do unto others" thing he didn't add an exclusion that stated "unless of course that person works in retail. Feel free to take out all of your frustration and stupidity on them, they don't really count". On the other hand it is rather amusing to watch grown men and women act like five year olds as the fight over parking spaces. The other day someone actually rammed into another car intentionally because they were pissed that someone got a spot before them. In previous years we have seen shouting matches and even a few fist fights. WTF? These are adults acting like spoiled little children. I think Santa really needs to review his list and drop off some coal this year.

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Huh, Who Knew?

How Did You Get. . .

All of that in dem jeans? C-fresh and I heard this on the radio this weekend and I almost peed my pants because it is so ridiculous! WTF?



And for a little Christmas gift giving idea. . .

Back Again

Sorry to have disappeared over the weekend. I was in Columbus spending some quality time with C-Fresh. I think he is beginning to understand the extent of compulsive shopping. If it is on sale, I must buy it (not quite but pretty damn close). Anyhow, we rented a great movie called Queens. Essentially it follows three gay couples and their mothers for the few days before the guys get married (it takes place in Spain right as gay marraige becomes legal). I swear the crazy Mom with the dog was based on my Mom. Anyhow, if you don't mind foreign films (it is in Spanish with English subtitles) I highly recommend you check it out. C-Fresh actually stayed awake through the whole movie so that is a high recommendation.

Start Wearing Purple

I read about Gogol Bordello in the paper today and was intrigued by their description of punk/ gypsy/ rock. NO surprise I found a video of theirs on Youtube. I still don't know how I feel about it, but I am leaning towards liking it.

Future Ex Husband Friday

Wow, in a stunning upset ya'll chose brains over brawn! It turns out that my valued readers would most like to have Jon Stewart as their favorite future exhusband. I'm very proud of you, but I am still shallow as you can tell by this week's future exhusband. . .
All I have to say is Ryan Reynolds. . .YOWZA!!! Who would have guessed the smart ass from Two Guys A Girl and a Pizza Place would turn out to be such a cut and buff hottie. Damn. He was the second best thing about Blade 3. The first best thing was when Parker Posey got wasted.

I need to go buy my lottery tickets tonight. . .this was my homoscope for today.


Count on the number 8. Don't let jealously cause unprecedented remarks with a loved one. Give yourself some time to think things out completely. Keeping ahead will put you in good with a teacher. Stay away from the fatty foods. Taurus and Libra are in the picture. There are excellent vibrations for hitting the financial jackpot.

A Helpful Reminder

Okay, it should be fairly obvious by now that I'm a guy. As a guy it is genetically encoded in me to forget things. Especially important things like birthdays, anniversarys, appointments, names (okay maybe not names, but you get the idea). Anyhow keeping those dates in my cellphone doesn't work because if I need to send a card or buy a present I need to know before that day and who checks their cell phone calendar ahead of time? That is why I registered at American Greetings for my free online calendar. I just popped in the important dates (Hey C-Fresh! When is your birthday again, all I can remember is April) and set my reminder function. I have it set to send me a text message to give me plenty of time to shop. Also, since I work in a Jewish neighborhood I have the Jewish holidays set into my calendar so I can a)wish my customers a happy whatever and b)not schedule heavy on those nights. Now I'm not saying you have to sign up, but if you do I'll take all the thanks from your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/significant other/whoever for you not forgetting their next birthday

Yes, I AM That Bored

I just added the Babelfish translator to my blog. Just for poops and giggles I translated the post Ah Relief into French then back into English. This is what I got:


The this evening was my examination final in my class of operating softwares of microcomputer and stripped of I so happy summers to see an end of class inside I do not know how long. It was one of these painful, the classes that time forgot, shit is him kind of Tuesday still of classes. I feel as an enormous weight was removed from me knowing that I more must not make the voyage inside for this class. I think that I will celebrate with beer.


I don't know, maybe I'm a dork (okay, I am definitely a dork) but I found this absolutedly hilarious!

Cafe Conversations

I just know that after this one ya'll will be just so envious of my job. Please, try not to let the jealousy show too much. . .

Suzie: Hi, What can I get for you

Lady: I'll have a double tall, half soy, half skim, half caff latte and a spinach pretzel and a. . .

Little girl: Mommy! My tummy hurts (in a plaintive whine)

Lady: Just a minute (shushing the little girl) and a chocolate chunk cookie, and a. . .

Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Lady: Just a minute! (yelling kind of angry now). I also want a. . .(long pause here) Never mind (then to her son) Get her coat lets go.

At this point I was really confused as to what was happening until. . .

Suzie: Uh, VinnieG. You better come here.

Sure enough, splattered all over the floor right in front of the register was chunks of pineapple, apples, spaghetti-o's and, I assume, red pop in a puddle of chunky bile that the little girl threw up. Yup, the lady's little brat puked all over the floor and the lady didn't say a freaking thing. No, "sorry my kid puked all over your floor" or a "let me help you with that." Nope, she just bundled her kid up and tore right out of there. But wait, there's more. . .

I trudge out there with the mop, six pairs of gloves on, and enough paper towels to serve the army when up walks two women.

Me: Oh. . .watch yourself, careful where you step

lady: why? (in a snotty tone of voice)

Me: Just nod my head towards the congealing blob of vomit on the floor)

Lady: Oh, what is that?

Suzie: (from behind the counter answering the lady because I was trying hard to not throw up as I was cleaning it up myself). It's from a little a girl

Lady: What?

Suzie: The kid puked on the floor (because sometimes you gotta be blunt)

Lady: Oh. I thought it had been a yummy drink or something. . .


WTF???!!!??? Even if it wasn't all chunky and smelly WTF!!!???!!! Was she gonna eat it up off the floor if it was a yummy drink? What the hell? The kicker of it was that they just stood there in my way why I was trying to clean it up until I said "excuse me please," and you would have thought it was the hardest thing on Earth for them to move they way the snorted and huffed. Well excuse me! Most of the rest of the world doesn't want to look at or smell that stuff while you decide what freaking Latte you wanted.

YUCK! But at least no on complained after I cleaned it up and I declared that it gace me the right to leave 15 minutes early. They were all just thanking whoever that they didn't have to clean that up.

p.s.
for obvious reasons there will be no photo to accompany this post. . .
You're welcome.

Ah Relief

Tonight was my final exam in my Microcomputer Operating Systems class and I have not been so glad to see a class end in I don't know how long. It was one of those painful, classes that time forgot, shit is it Tuesday again kind of classes. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me knowing that I no longer have to make the trek in for that class. I think I will celebrate with a beer.

UGH!

I just got told that on Wednesday the Vice President of cafe operations and the Regional Cafe Manager and the District Manager will all be in the store. Great! As if we don't have enough freaking stress with Christmas right around the corner and the Festival of Lights (yeah, I can't spell hannakauh or however it is spelled). Here is how it goes, however good you are set up they think "If this is what it is like when I am here, then what is it like when I am not here?" So if you have a good solid operation it has to be 5X better so they get the idea of what it is really like. Obviously we are all scrambling to get it extra polished which means we have less time to deal with what we are actually there for. . .making money. So tell me, is this visit really good for the company?

It's A Deal

Sometimes wandering throughout the deal sites gets a bit distracting. Either you are finding too much that you want, or nothing like what you want. At Dealigg.com the users vote on what goes on the homepage, so odds are there is something right up front that you are looking for (hey, everyone else is too!). The site is updated very often and even has an RSS feed for you die hard bargain hunters. What I like the best though is their freebie section. This isn't one of those freebie sections where you have to click five million ads, oh no, this section lists all of the products that you get free after rebates. If you are someone who actually mails those in (and I do, even for 2$ off of mouthwash) then this section will be like heaven to you too. I just ordered a wireless adapter for my Mom for Christmas, and it is free! free! free! Okay, enough of that, I'm doing some more shopping now. . .

Memories

I got one of the funniest phone messages today. On my way out of work I noticed I had a message from D. This is what she said "I know this sounds weird but I think you will get it. I was listening to Dinah the Christmas Whore and I thought about you." For those of you who don't know, D. hooked me on David Sedaris. We spent many a road trip listening to him read his essays and this was one of our favorites from Holidays on Ice: Stories. Essentially his sister brings a hooker to the family home on Christmas Eve, well, you'd have to hear David Sedaris read it to get the full effect of it. Anyway, I did get it and it made me laugh and smile. I miss you too D.!

Future Ex Husband Friday

Welcome to another edition of future exhusband friday. Last weekend C-Fresh rented The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green because he knew that I really wanted to see it (long story on the three copies of it that I bought and none of them worked). Anyway, the movie was so much better than either of us thought that it would be. Part of the reason, for me at least, was the man who played the title character's ex boyfriend. OH. . .MY. . .GOD! David Monahan is freaking gorgeous! Not only does he have a great body, but that smile, those eyes, that hair, DAMN! That is all I have to say is HOT FREAKING DAMN!

P.S.
See Omar, there are hot white guys out there. . .

OMG. . .Cafe Conversations A Day Late

Shoot, I just realized it was Thursday and I never posted Cafe Conversations yesterday. . .
Lady: (brings a bag of coffee to the counter) Grind this for gold cone filter (and switches back to her cell phone conversation).

Barista: Excuse me, Ma'am (and she looked very perturbed at being called ma'am and being called away from her oh so important cell conversation) This is already ground.

Lady: No it's not (she said with an imperious wave of her hand) I just gave it to you (wow, she really wasn't getting it).

Barista: No, I mean this is a pre ground bag of coffee. It isn't whole bean coffee.

Lady: Of course it is, now go grind it (and goes back to her conversation)

At this point I stepped over to the counter and took the bag of coffee, opened it and stood in front of the grinder and turned it on and just waited for two minutes while she chatted and her cell phone, then I folded the bag back up handed it to the cashier and said "one fresh ground bag of coffee."
I thought my co-worker was going to pee her pants from trying not to laugh as the lady threw a ten on the counter, took her coffee and sashayed off.

"Sometimes," I told my co-worker "It is better not to fight, or argue or explain. Just give them what they think they want."

I'm a Big Dummy!

Kudos go out to Brad who noticed that I'm a big dummyhead. You're so vain was the number one song when I was BORN! Ooops, the number one song on my 18th Birthday was Justify My Love by Madonna. . .still a good theme song I'm thinking!

My Theme

At Gumby's site I checked out the theme song generator (the #1 song on your 18th birthday) and mine is so appropriate. It is You're so Vain by Carly Simon.

The Breakup

Well, it looks like the "romance" between Lance Bass and that Reichen character is over. Gee, who could have guessed. What? Did dating Lance not promote Reichen's "career" or book enough? Maybe this time he'll find another self obsessed mirror hog like himself. Anyone looking for some quick cheap exposure in the tabloids, just start dating Lance. . .

Future ExHusband Friday

Yes! I will proudly admit that I lust after Ricky Martin, both the clean cut and the (supposedly) edgier, grittier version of him. As D. will bear witness I have several of his songs loaded up in my iPod. Oh Ricky, you're so fine (Yeah, I couldn't resist that).

Merry Whatever. . .

I stopped sending out Christmas cards last year because I would go through all the trouble of writing them, addressing them, and stuffing them but then I would never get around to actually getting them into the mailbox. Stupid, I know, but that is just the way it worked out every year. When I did finally get them in the mail it would usually be a day or two before Christmas(shoot, one year I even sent them out two days after Christmas). I think this year I am just going to do E cards. At Egreetings the have a variety of Christmas cards to choose from that aren't the usual fluffy good will and happy cheer and all that. I prefer the slightly off color or humorous cards such as the Snakes on a Sleigh or the slightly disturbing Carol of the Chins or the even more warped A Christmas Pick Me Up(which you have really got to check out to believe it). The best thing is I can send out all my Christmas ecards free with a 30 free trial. Membership is $13.99 a year and it lets you send them out on a specific date or instantly but I'm good with the free trial for right now.