Future Ex Husband Friday

Okay, so it is on Saturday because I forgot yesterday was Friday. See what allergy medicine does to me? Anyhow, now presenting Matthew Fox who enjoys skinny dipping in Hawaii with his costars. Wouldn't you just love to be a fish swimming by to see that?

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Nudist Trampolining

Wow, this is one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile. You make the naked man jump and do tricks on the trampoline without breaking his neck (or other breakables). You also need to collect the leaves that are oh so delicately hiding his hideables. I won't call it fun for all ages, but it is definitely funny and worth fifteen minutes or so of your time.

Nudist Trampolining

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Cafe Conversations

Oh the joy of customer service. The other day I was getting my lunch fixed up and I had a tray of food and a cup of coffee. I was at the coffee bar putting the cream and sugar into my coffee. Mind you I had a hoodie on over my shirt and no name tag or apron on. This woman walks up to me at the condiment bar and said "Go get me a latte,"
WTF?
The only thing I could think of was she knew I worked there because there was nothing to signify that I was actually working at the time.
"Excuse me," I said not quite believing my ears.
"Get me a latte," she said again to me and I think she actually thought I would.
"She can help you over there at the register," I said pointing across the cafe to one of three employees actually working behind the counter.
The lady then gave me this odd look as if she couldn't comprehend what I was saying and said "But there are people there and I'd have to wait in line," in an incredulous voice.
"looks that way, doesn't it?" I said all innocently as I picked up my tray of food and coffee and headed to the break room.

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LeBron's New Castle

Why is is that LeBron James' new home in Bath Township rates a front page article in the Plain Dealer? Not that it isn't an impressive house with a master suite bigger than most houses in the area, an outer wall featuring a limestone sculpture of LeBron's head wearing his trademark headband, an aquarium, a sports bar, bowling alley, recording studio, and a casino. Am I the only one thinking WTF? First off what the hell is he overcompensating for? Second this house seems like it came straight out of the mind of a twelve year old thinking "man, when I get big I'm gonna have a. . .a. . .a casino and a bar in my house!". What the hell? I'm gonna go on the record as saying, quite loudly too, LeBron you have gone OVERBOARD!. It is supposed to be a home and not a freaking mall or Vegas casino.

Me

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Sexual Education

Finally Ohio just might be moving in the right direction (for once). Our new Governor is urging state legislators to reject the federally funded abstinence only sex education for a method that will actually teach these kids how to stay safe. We would join 8 other states in rejecting that farce of an education program. With the new program kids (and by kids think age appropriate, obviously not Kindergartners) will learn how not to get pregnant, how to protect themselves from diseases, and how to what the risks are instead of the blanket statement of "Just don't do it". We can see how well that program has worked out don't we.

Cafe Conversations

What is it about seasonal changes that makes people stupid? It was a very slow day at work today except for the fifteen minutes when we had a full line of the most confused and irritating people on Earth. One woman was getting all belligerent because we did NOT have a tip cup. She took a small cup, wrote tips on it and then put it on the counter. After thanking her for the thought I told her we weren't allowed to have one and we could get into serious trouble for it (okay, probably not but it is highly frowned on).
Lady: "Well, I'm the customer and I'm right so leave it there,"
Whatever, as soon as she left the line that little cup went right into the trash. Thanks for the thought but work on the attitude a bit.
The next lady ordered a Frappuccino extra hot. I had to inform her that those are cold drinks similar to a coffee milkshake.
Lady #2: That's great, that is exactly what I want, just extra hot (because why would you listen to the person who knows what he is talking about? Just make up whatever shit you want lady then get pissed when it is physically impossible to do)
Me: Well, we can't do those extra hot, they are cold. They are like milkshakes, frozen with ice and coffee. Do you want a cafe mocha extra hot?
Lady: NO, I want a frappuccino extra hot.
Me: Then you don't want a frappuccino. Those are cold. You want a mocha.
Lady: No, you aren't listening to me. Give me an extra hot mocha frappuccino.
Me: fine
She got an extra hot cafe mocha. I wasn't gonna argue with her anymore about silly things like what something is called.
UGH! Sometimes I realize why people become alcoholics!

Future Ex Husband Friday: Replay

Eduardo Verastegui was featured way back as one of my first FEHs. I think this gorgeous man deserves another go around. You can catch him in the film Chasing Papi where he, quite justly, sets every female (and not a few males) a flutter. Ay Chiuaua papi!

What the. . .

. . .I found this picture while looking for a graphic over at Green Is The New Black and it made me laugh. Just look at the expression on W's face. Priceless!

OMG

I saw this over at echeblog and I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. Hot and funny. . . two great combos! Thanks Marc for making me laugh on a crappy day.



p.s.
dodgeball anyone?

Cafe Conversations

I went to the Starbucks in the Target by my house. I really needed a cup of coffee because I was about three hours behind in getting my first cup and I could feel a headache coming on. I go up to the counter and order a grande coffee. The girl goes and starts to pour from the pot marked decaf. Of course I pipe in "Excuse me, can I have regular coffee please. Not decaf."
She gives me a look and then says "You didn't say you wanted regular. You just said coffee."
Huh, who knew the universal coffee all of a sudden became decaf? "Well, I would like regular please," I said trying to have some empathy for her. Lord Omar knows I know how it can be.
"I don't have none right now," she proceeded to tell me. "I have to brew it."
"That's fine," I said faking cheerfulness. "I don't mind waiting for a fresh pot of coffee."
That is when she gave a HUGE sigh and said "Well I wasn't gonna brew it now, but if you have to have it," and lazily proceeded to get around to brewing regular coffee.

Wow! I think I would skin one of my employees if they pulled that stunt, but luckily I have one hell of a good staff so I only have to deal with bizarro customers.

Acknowledgment

Is it so wrong to expect a congrats when you do something good. Hell, I've had to listen to what I have done wrong enough so why can't I just get a good job for the things that went well? ARGH! I know that is the way of the business world to try to keep people motivated by fear but I am getting fed up. It is enough to make me want to scream. If I can't even get a good job it makes me wonder what the people who are not only not doing well, but are substandard, are hearing.

I know most of you have no idea what I'm talking about but I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening to me kvetch.

Me, Me, Me

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Yeah, all that is probably because. . .

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Monk. Where You Lived: Australia. How You Died: The Plague.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

The Line

I went to Trader Joe's today on my lunch break just to grab a jar of olives for my salad (what is a salad without olives after all). As I was walking towards the shortest line this woman with a full cart practically runs to beat me in line. I was a little bit peeved but instead of moving to another line I decided to be rude right back to her. I stood about four inches behind her (doesn't everybody hate personal space invaders) and every time she pulled an item from her cart I made a Huh? or a heh! sound just to irritate her. You could tell she was getting really irritated just by her body language as I stood behind her just tossing my one jar of olives back and forth in my hands making little noises at her groceries. As soon as the cashier handed the lady her receipt and change I popped my olives on the counter and loudly proclaimed "Yup, just these today!"
Okay, so I didn't stop global warming or promoted world peace or anything, but it amused me while I was in line and that is really all that counts, now isn't it.

New Swimsuit

I went to my favorite discount store the other day (Gabriel Brothers for you Midwesterners) and found the most awesome bathing suit (no, not the one in the picture. That is just there for eye candy). I got a $69 Michael Kors bathing suit for $6! Score! Yes, this post was just and excuse to show a hot guy in a bathing suit (but I really am excited about my new bathing suit too).

The Joys of Summer

Are almost here!

What Is It. . .

. . .about those suped up pick up trucks and their drivers? It is a chicken and the egg question for me. Are people idiot drivers because the have this monster pickup and feel invincible or do asshole drivers feel pulled to buy one by some mystical force? For the past three days I have been cut off/ tailgated/ honked at/ flipped off by/ these monster pick ups. I am not a bad driver (other than my need to go a bit faster than I should on the highway). I use my turn signals, leave appropriate space between vehicles, and show proper driving etiquette and yet I am still plagued by these idiots. It is a damn good thing there is a waiting period for guns (no I wouldn't shoot somebody, silly, just their tires. All four).

The Model

So occupational therapist Julian Fantechi poses nude and appears in Playgirl. A couple of months later a parent raises a fuss and says he should be fired. Whose side are you on? I am pretty much ambivalent but I'm leaning towards not caring. If I was a parent I would be more concerned with does he do his job well? Does he treat my kid well and fairly? Do I think it was the best choice? No, he should have known there would be fuss being a school employee and posing naked and I was surprised when he said in his interview that he couldn't believe someone raised a fuss. That was just naive on his part. I can't believe that he honestly believed nobody would care. Then again nobody would know or care if that parent hadn't raised a fuss. I tell you what, if I ever get around to finishing writing a book I hope someone raises a fuss. Just think of all that free publicity!

You can view the news clip here.

p.s.
I googled him and DAMN! Where were the school employees who looked like that when I was in school. . .it is a crime for that man to keep his clothes on!

Cafe Conversations

A lady comes up to the counter today. I ask her what I can get for her
Lady: Nothing, I hate your coffee.

Me: So, did you need something then? (I figured there had to be a reason for her to come to the counter, but you never know. Some people will wait in line just to tell you how much they hate your coffee).

Lady: A plug

Me: (utterly confused) I'm sorry, a what?

Lady: A plug. . .for my computer

Me: We only have the one over there (I pointed to where two people already had both sockets used up)

Lady: Well give me your extension cord (in an imperious tone of voice)

Me: (Okay, she hates my coffee and expects me to jump through hoops because she didn't have the foresight to bring a power cord or charge her own batteries) I'm sorry, we don't have an extension cord in the cafe.

Lady: Yes you do.

Me: No, we don't have one back here(and we don't keep those in the cafe, we keep them in the back supply closet so I wasn't lying).

Lady: Well tell them to leave (she pointed at the people using the socket who actually had bought not only drinks, but food as well).

Me: Sorry, first come first serve on the plug and they are still eating the food that they bought here.

Lady: Fine, I'll just go to Border's then

Hmm, okay, go to Borders and not buy anything and use their electricity and be a pain in their asses. Win/win situation to me!

Garden In A Bag

I love to garden and I have a fascination with herbs. I realize that not everyone actually has space to do a garden in so that is why I love this product. You grow your choice of herb right in the bag that they ship to you. Just pop the bag on the window sill, plant, water, and grow. No extra pots or anything else is needed. What a great way to brighten up the kitchen and help to filter out some of those indoor toxins.

cross posted with Green is the New Black

Garden Time

I got this fun little thing at Lowe's. They call it the fragrant garden. Basically you get the seeds for lemon basil, catnip, and spearmint that you plant in these little peat pellets. You then keep it in the little greenhouse looking plastic box and wait for the seeds to germinate. I think that is so much fun! Of course I totally love the little garden appeal of it so these will easily transplant over into my containers once the weather gets good enough. I may also buy the other herb kit they have, I think it is called the Italian garden with basil, oregano, and something else that I can't remember right now.
Anyway, I also bought the big peat pellet container that I started the chili seeds D. sent me on her journey to L.A. (I have jalapeño, tepin, and Anaheim peppers) and I also started some lavender seeds going too. With the lavender I am going to attempt to do topiary balls with them just to try out a little something I read in a book that C-Fresh got this weekend. It looks sort of cool, but we'll see how it turns out for me.

Spring!

I love it when I see the crocuses appear. That is my first sign that spring is on its way. Okay, so it is probably gonna snow this weekend. . .but that doesn't matter. When these little guys pop up it means that in time it will be bike riding, short wearing, hot guy watching weather in no time!

Is It Summer Yet?

Uh, Yeah, Me Too!

It is one of those compulsions that I have to fight every time I drive through the mountains!

Apple Tree

On a lark a few weeks ago I planted a couple of apple seeds in an empty pot of dirt I had just laying around (yes, just ask D., I really do have stuff like that just laying around) and to my surprise they actually sprouted! It has been about a week now and the little guys are really growing. I have no idea what I am going to do with them when they get bigger, but it is still pretty fun.

300 The Movie

WOW. . .freaking amazing movie, and I am not just talking about the hot ass men in their leather speedos (I'll tell you what, that made for some nice viewing). Was there much of a story? Not really but that didn't matter because the visuals were so stunning (yes, that includes the men) that even when what little story there was dragged there was so much to look at that you really didn't notice. I did have to agree with one reviewer here in Cleveland who said that while comic books rely on drawing lines to show motion movies can actually show motion! I flipped through the graphic novel and it did seem to me that they were a bit fanatical about following it frame by frame. I do think that maybe there needed to be some adjustment and creative liberties taken when moving it to a new, and more dynamic, medium. It is still SO worth going to see though (unless you don't like the sight of blood spattering around) and not just for a great shot of Gerard Butler's muscular ass.

Future Ex Husband Friday

In honor of going to see 300 this weekend I have decided to make Gerard Butler My FEH this week. Wow, what a body this man put together for the movie! Amazing! A far cry from the bit of pudge around the middle that he had when he played the Phantom.

Cafe Conversations

Okay, picture it. A late sixties woman in a faux fur coat (I know it was faux because the huge pin she had on said "Real People Wear Fake Fur"), Harry Potter-esque glasses, and a macrame shirt comes to the counter.
Lady: I want a coffee.
Me: Okay, do you want the Large size? (meanwhile I hold up the large cup so she can see the size).
Lady: No. . .
pause
pause
Me: Okay, what size then?
Lady: Regular
Me: We have small and medium as well. (I place both cups in front of her. All she has to do is point to one).
Lady: Regular size
Me: Which one of these two would you like? (I point to the cups right in front of her)
Lady: The regular size.
Me: (Giving up I pour her the medium one. What the hell, why not, it is right in the middle so that should be regular right?)
Any cookies today with that.
Lady: No
Me: Okay, that'll be $1.85
Lady: Is this decaf?
Me: No, its the regular
Lady: Why would you give me regular? I need decaf. I can't have regular coffee. Are you trying to give me a heart attack. And that cup is too big. I want the small one. Who can drink that much coffee?

Oh yes, that is the stuff we get to deal with everyday. If you get a cranky barista, please be understanding.

Dresden Files

Okay, at first I was a bit skeptical about the Dresden Files but now I am a total fan. For those of you who have not watched it yet on Sci-fi I highly recommend you check out the online episodes here. For the fans of the book, don't worry. . .after you get through the shock of the first few episodes it starts to come together. The books are still a gazillion times better, but the show is really pretty good. A mix of magic, mystery, humor, and a touch of sexual tension is really keeping it going.

Spring Fever

I can feel the spring fever already. I can't wait for the temps to warm up and actually be able to be outside without having my nose fall off from the cold. I am also getting all excited and ready to start planting my little garden. It is never anything big, but I love the little container garden that I do. It just gives me a sense of accomplishment. This year I am doing peppers again, peppermint, parsley, and zucchinis. There is a hybrid of zucchini called space miser that is supposed to do fantastic in pots so we'll see what happens.

Rude

Two people who you should NEVER be rude too
1)People who prepare your food
2)The people who watch your kids

Just Cause. . .

My New Endeavor

Well, I have started a new blog based on my green tips that I have done this past week. I decided to separate those into a new blog called Green Is The New Black. It is not preachy and has simple tips for making the world just a little bit better for all of us.

Future Ex Husband Friday

He is sort of irritating (or at least his roles are) but there is something sort of sexy about him. This is one Latin man who is very secure in his sexuality. I really did like him in the Groomsmen.

Not The Blackest Sheep

It is so good to not be the blackest sheep in my family. That is saying a lot too because my family is freaking crazy. I thought my 35 year old cousin who went to Mexico to finish up his Masters in Spanish and ended up bringing home an 18 y.o. Mexican bride (who I like to call his indentured servant, not to their face though) could have taken my crown, but he was still in a somewhat socially acceptable heterosexual relationship so I still had the crown until now.
Thank God for the younger generations who try to outdo us old timers. It turns out my 18 year old cousin is dating his 29 year old boss (at Quiznos). Not only is she 11 years older than him, but she is twice divorced and has a 10 y.o. daughter. Thanks Joe for ripping that black sheep crown right off of my head buddy!

Gratuitious Manflesh. . .

No reason for this really, just some nice visuals