Too Funny, And I Agree

I saw this over at Kenneth in the 212 and just had to post it too. A) because it is really freaking funny B)Cause I want to see that version of the movie C)cause I'm not creative enough to come up with anything else.



I'll be dreaming of Jake tonight for sure now. . .

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Cafe Conversations

I just got a call from work. The same person who I had the last conversation with was on the other line.
"Uh, hi. VinnieG? I broke the dish machine. . ."
Big Sigh from my end of the phone. "What happened?" I asked.
"I pressed the red button and it stopped working."
"The red button on the front of the machine?" I asked.
"Yep,"
"The red button next to the green button?"
"Yep,"
Another big sigh from me.
"______ (name witheld to protect the guilty) all you did was turn it off. That is why it has off written on the red button. Just hit the green button and turn it back on."
"Oh," click. . .

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OMG. . .Too Funny

Lauren just sent me this link and I almost peed my pants laughing. I love the Onion. It is just so freaking wrong! Just a word of advice. . .if you are one of those homos who takes yourself WAY too seriously then you won't enjoy this at all. I warned you so don't bitch to me afterwards.

Why Do Homosexuals Keep Sucking My C***?

p.s.
Geez Lauren. . .you quit AGAIN?.

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Cafe Conversations

Sometimes I wonder if customers even listen to the answer to their questions. A lady came in and wanted a decaf frappuccino. I told her we didn't have those, we only had teh caffeinated version. She asked if we were a Starbucks and I told her we were not, but we served Starbucks beverages and offered most of what they did.
"Well, if you are a Starbucks you should have the decaf frappuccinos," she told me after explaining it to her.
"But we aren't Starbucks, we just serve their coffee. We don't even have the decaf versions available to order,"
"Starbucks has them,"
"Yes, I know. Unfortunately we don't offer them."
"But Starbucks has them," she told me yet again.
"I know. They have them. We don't."
"Why not?"
At this point you can imagine how aggravated I was. "Because our corporate office doesn't think they are up to our standards so we choose not to offer them."
"You should have them. Starbucks does."
At this point I just gave up trying to be nice. "I'll send an email out to them as soon as I get a chance to letting them know your opinion. Did you want something else or would you like to go down the road to Starbucks to get your Decaf Frappuccino," I asked her with a sugary sweet tone of voice and a totally fake smile on my face.
"I'll just have a regular one then. It's early and it won't keep me up."
WTF? Did she think she would get something for free or do people have nothing better to do than to make a pain in the ass of themselves for no reason. . .

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Gas Crunch

I did it. I made it through the whole holiday weekend without buying gas. Why? Well, I dunno. Maybe as my own personal F-U to the oil companies who saw fit to charge 3.39 yesterday but by this morning it is down to 3.09.
WTF?
I almost didn't make it because I forgot to get gas on Wednesday which was my cutoff day to get gas before the weekend started. I am down to just fumes right now but hopefully I'll make it the two blocks to the gas station before heading off to work today.

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Memorial Day

A very happy Memorial Day to all of you out there. I hope you had a great day and had some beautiful weather to enjoy it! I got to go into work today (woo-hoo) which wasn't so bad. I'm going on vacation this weekend and I had Sunday off so no big deal really. It was basically a no brainer day with not much to do. The only irritating things were the "well wishes" from some of the people coming in. For instance. "Wow, do you know how gorgeous it is out there today?"
Well, yes I do actually. I felt like pointing to the HUGE picture windows and saying "I can see that clearly thank you."
My personal favorite is the old standby "What a shame you have to work today."
Is it a shame? Really? Because if it was truly a shame that I had to be at work then why are you here? Does that mean shame on you for coming in and making me work?

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Script Frenzy

Less than a week until script frenzy starts. YIKES. I have my character names and their general M.O. but I don't have anything else. O.k. sure, I know they own/ work in a coffee shop and the general ending. There is a whole lot of space into introducing them and then having the endings they deserve. Guess I better get on my bike and do some thinking about that whole middle part of my script.

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Lentil Salad

I always seem to lose the pieces of paper that I have recipes I like written down on. Hmmm, if only there was a place where I could store them that I wouldn't lose them at? What? Put them here? That is a brilliant idea! This is a favorite of mine that D. gave to me. It is so freaking good you won't even know you are eating lentils. To make it a vegan recipe just omit the egg topping.

Lentil Salad
1 1/4 cups brown lentils, rinsed
4 large eggs
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large cucumber, peeled and diced
1/2 cup finely chopped fresh parsley
1/2 cup finely chopped red onion
salt and pepper
1 - In a small saucepan, cover lentils with water by one inch. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, partially uncovered, until lentils are tender but still holding their shape. (20 to 25 minutes) Drain well.
2 - Meanwhile, place eggs in a small saucepan, cover with cold water by one inch. Bring to a boil. Remove from heat and cover. Let stand 12 minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water. Peel and chop roughly.
3 - In a large bowl, whisk together vinegar and oil. Add lentils, cucumber, parsley and onion. Season with salt and pepper. Toss well to coat with dressing.
4 - Cool to room temperature, or serve chilled, topped with chopped eggs

Whew, there D, now I won't have to bug you every month for the recipe.

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Blogthing Frenzy

OMG. . .did the actually know my ex?

Your Ex Is Paranoid

Whether your ex was accusing you of cheating or your friends of being evil... Your ex definitely saw things that weren't there! People with paranoid personality disorder bear grudges, are always suspicious, and confide in no one. Sound at all familiar?

What's Wrong With Your Ex?

Whatever. . .never even heard of this painting. . .

You Are Best Described By...

San Giorgio Maggiore, Twilight By Claude Monet

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

What? Okay I guess. . .

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

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Woo Meaty!

I love this commercial. When the woman at the end goes Woo and the look on the other woman's face. . .OMG. . .it is just hysterical. . .

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Brady Vs. Grady

Future Ex Husband Friday has a quandary. Who is hotter, Brady Quinn or Grady Sizemore? I'll tell you this much, Brady is much more overexposed by far and I have been in line behind Grady in Starbucks and Damn the pictures don't do that man justice!

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Cafe Conversations

I just had this conversation with one of my newer team members just a couple of hours ago. A gentleman got one of our Strattas and asked me to heat it up more since the center was cold. I asked Newbie how long he heated it for and he told me thirty seconds.
"Well, these need to heat for two minutes," I told him.
"But he said it was to go," was Newbie's reply. I waited for a little bit more with a confused look on my face. Newbie didn't say anything else.
"Well, even if it is to go you still need to heat it for two minutes," I told him.
"Yeah, but he said it was to go then he just sat down and started eating it," was his reply.
"Okay, but you do understand that they get heated for two minutes right?" I asked because I wasn't sure he actually did get it.
"Even if they say it is to go and they eat it here?" he asked.
"Okay, we need to focus on the two minute heating here. Do you get that part?"
"But he said to go,"
"For here, to go. . .two minutes no matter where they eat it. Got it."
"Oh, o.k."

WTF? As if the customers weren't crazy enough now I work with Captain Non-Sequitor.

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Whew. . .

I just got back in from my first official bike ride of the season. After putting in a fifteen hour day at work (ugh. . .I hate people) I needed some sort of physical activity. I took the 2.5 mile route that D. created last summer for us to do. Wow, I am out of biking shape. I need to get my ass callouses back to stay in that seat! It is gonna take some work to get back up to the 4 times around that we used to do. Of course it helped to actually have D. there with me. . .I miss my biking buddy! Hope the trails are smooth out there in Ca for ya.

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Summer Lovin'

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Maroon 5 has pretty much just been under my radar, at least until I saw the video for their song Makes Me Wonder (I had to go on iTunes and get that. It's fun in a retro disco kind of way). Wow, that Adam Levine is pretty damn hot in an a gawky, dirty, odd way isn't he?

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Pay At The Pump

To assuage my apathetic guilt I do participate in some of the Moveon.org campaigns. This one is close to my heart, or should I say wallet (I'm a Capricorn so they are about equal). It has to do with price gouging at the gas pump. Here is a sample letter and a link to check out. If you like it feel free to copy it and send it off to all your friends.

Hi,

Can you face another summer where a day trip to the lake or the beach costs you an arm and a leg? It's shaping up to be just that if we don't ask Congress to stand up to Big Oil now.

But there a bill in the House this week that could make gas price gouging a federal crime, so we don't pay more while the oil companies rake in record profits. I signed a petition to urge my representative to pass this bill this week -- can you join me at the link below?

http://pol.moveon.org/stoppricegouging/

Thanks!

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Cafe Conversations

I was in a pretty good mood this morning and I was well caffeinated for a change. I was running the register and things were going pretty well until Ms. Dazed and Confused came in. I had to say hello to her three times before I got any sort of response (keep in mind that there were three people behind her in line). What response did I get from her?
"What? Why are you looking at me?"
O.K. so not the response I was expecting from someone who did not seem totally crazy or whacked out on crack so I could only stare at her open mouthed for a second before she said "Well, what do you want?" in a snappish tone of voice. All I could think of to say was "Well, I just want to get your order," in an incredulous voice.
Luckily that seemed to snap her out of it somewhat as she said "Oh, Okay, you can do that. . ."
Really? I can!
Thanks so much for the favor lady.

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Slackie McSlackster

Sorry, I totally slacked off this week. Between work and getting ready to go see C-Fresh this week I have been totally crazy. We had a great time yard saling down in Columbus for the Village Valuables (aka crapfest 2007). We picked up a couple of great little brick a bracks and watched all the people scrambling around for the various crap people were selling. Hey Gumby! Was that you in the park rehearsing a play/ auditioning around 2ish?

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Ding Dong

One of my employees sent me this. May Mr. Falwell get all that he has coming to him. . .

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