Testing

Did you ever feel like the universe was testing you? It seems no sooner than I decide to just accept what comes and put a smile on my face a dumb ass gets right up in my face to challenge my faux serenity. For example. . .today at work a woman came up and ordered a peppermint mocha.
Me: I'm sorry we are out of peppermint.
Lady: Okay, get me a peppermint white mocha then.
Me: We don't have any peppermint. We can't make that drink.
Lady: Fine, I'll take a peppermint latte then.
Me: We don't have any peppermint, sorry
Lady: What can you make with peppermint then (oh yes, she really asked that)
Me: Nothing. We do not have any peppermint. We can't make any peppermint flavored anyting.
Lady: So I can't get a peppermint mocha?

At that point her daughter finally chimed in "Mom, shut up and listen to the guy. They don't have any damn peppermint. Pick something else!" Now I may have been hallucinating but I could have sworn that I heard the lady mumble under her breath "well, he could have said they were out."

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Coolest Gift

I just have to share with you that C-Fresh got me the coolest gift ever for Christmas. As some of you may know since I moved to Columbus I have taken the reigns in the kitchen and do a lot of the cooking (who knew?). I like to use a lot of fresh herbs in my cooking but it gets expensive buying them from the store all the time so C-Fresh got me the Aero Garden. Have you seen the commercials for it? It is amazing. It is idiot proof too! Every two weeks a light will come on telling you to add the feeding tablets and when the water runs low a light pops on for that too. In a few short weeks I will have fresh basil, chives, parsley, cilantro, mint, and purple basil to cook with. I am way too excited over this but it is so freaking neat.

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It's All About Me

I have been trying very hard to not let the actions of others affect my mood. That is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes it is very difficult to keep a smile on my face when I have idiots up in my face all day long. Sometimes, though, it is quite easy. Yesterday at work I was trying to patiently describe (yet again) the fact that, no, we could not accept the Starbuck's gift card when the man in front of me just cut me off half way and bellowed at me "You are a fucking liar," and stomped off like a petulant four year old. I don't know what came over me but I found the absurdity of that too amusing and I just bust out with a giant laugh, I really couldn't help it. The absurdity of it was too much for me. Who does that? How were they raised that they think that that is okay? It is mind boggling.

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Reality Bites: Family Edition

Sometimes in a person's journey towards happiness and enlightenment they get help along the way. It seems that my family's purpose is to bring me into a sharp focus on reality. For example, the first thing that I heard when I walked into my parent's house yesterday for Christmas dinner was my aunt saying to me "Oh my God, you have put on weight! Wow. . ." to which I replied "Well, glad to know I drove two hours for that reception." Well, okay, I'll have to admit it at some point. I no longer have a 30 inch waist. The days of the 30 inch waist are long behind me but I will not be to the pants around the armpits anytime soon. There, I admit it. . .although I am sticking with this birthday is my 27th. . .again. . .at least for a little while longer.

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Feliz Navidad

A joyful and happy Christmas to all of you! Now I have to toot C-Fresh's horn by showing pictures of our tree. I wish I could take credit for how good the tree looks this year but it was all him!

And now for a little Christmas Cheer (found over at London Calling Luv).

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Merry Christmas To All. . .

. . .and to all a good night! Have I mentioned yet just how much I love Passive Aggressive Notes? You just gotta love the handwritten p.s. at the bottom, it just truly caps it off and makes it so much more festive.

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Wow

I wish I was as smart as this person to be able to put together such cohesive thoughts so intelligently (and no, that is not sarcasm. . .I know, hard to tell with me).

When conservatives tell us that we need constant surveillance to make us secure, what they're telling us is that they themselves are prone to criminal behavior if they think nobody else is watching. The fear of exposure is the only force keeping them on the right side of the law -- and that's why it's the only form of "security" they understand. Bear this in mind if you decide to do business with them.

When they tell us that our future depends on supporting a military that's bigger than the rest of the world's fighting forces combined, what they're telling us is that they can't handle chaos, complexity, change, or being out of control. The whole world is a threat; the only solution is a bigger gun. Bear this in mind if you find yourself in conflict with them.

When they tell us diplomacy isn't an option, they're telling us that it's not an option they understand. Words, agreements, treaties, and contracts mean nothing to them. Brute force is the only option they comprehend...or are likely to respond to themselves. Bear this in mind before you negotiate with them.

When they tell us that homosexuality is a threat to American families, what they're telling us is that homosexuality is a threat to their families. As in: if they ever dared to admit their own sexual interest in other men, their wives would leave them, and take the kids. Bear this in mind when they hold themselves up as moral paragons.

When they tell us the Islamofascists are a threat to our way of life, they are quite correctly pointing out that there are fascists threatening our way of life. They're just deflecting their own intentions on to brown people far away. Bear this in mind before assuming they share your belief in constitutional democracy.

When they accuse reality-based folks of promoting "junk science," they're telling us they basically think all science is junk. Bear this in mind before attempting to present them with convincing evidence of anything.

When they tell us to support the troops, what they're really saying is: You better, because we won't. Bear this in mind when you evaluate the real costs of the war.

When they tell us the government can't be trusted, they're telling us they can't be trusted to govern. Bear this in mind every time you step into a voting booth.

Thank you Sara, you said it much better than I ever could.

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Random Acts

Today around the world bloggers are sharing stories of their random acts to help brighten up the world. I'd like to share my little contribution. A few weeks ago I read a story in the German Village newspaper about the plethora of feral cats living in the area (over 500!). Save the Wild Side is a group of residents in the area who set up a program to humanely trap the cats, neuter them, then release the cats back into the wild. The program is set up to reduce the number of cats born into the "wild". According to Alley Cat Allies

More cats are intentionally killed in the United States than die from any other documented cause.

Who is responsible? The vast majority of these killings are perpetrated not by cruel individuals, but by and with the authority of an antiquated animal control system. These killings are performed by government employees and contractors, and spill over to private shelter employees.

Everyone deplores this killing. Many characterize it as “necessary evil.” Alley Cat Allies knows that there is nothing necessary about this evil.

Today’s animal control system developed over 100 years ago to address certain serious harms that dogs posed to humans. It was, and is still today, based on ownership of animals. Animal control laws attempt to control animals by controlling their owners. They are a collection of owner duties to prevent damage, for example, duties to leash, to muzzle, to fence, and to vaccinate. Animals who do not have owners (the stray population) or whose owners cannot comply must be impounded and adopted or killed.

The problem with this is that the feral cats have no owners and are not socialized to humans so there is no chance of them being adopted so putting them into a shelter would essentially be a death sentence. It isn't about ridding the world of feral cats but controlling their populations so that every cat can have a home. I know C-Fresh feels passionately about this because of Hannah, who he took care of for years, and I care too because of TC (who adopted us when he was a kitten and we took him in before he became feral). That is why I made a donation to Alley Cat Allies in C-Fresh and Hannah's names.

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A Question?

Is it possible for the truly sarcastic to attain enlightenment?
Discuss. . .

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D&G

Derek reminded me of the D&G commercial that I actually saw the uncut version on TV here in Columbus (for a moment I thought I saw it wrong). Dolce & Gabana sure do know where the dollars come from don't they? Heck, if I could afford it I'd go buy that D&G watch. Thanks for the link Derek.

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I'm Fennel?

Your Score: Fennel

You scored 25% intoxication, 50% hotness, 75% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Fennel!

You're a cool cat. Crisp, clean, fresh, and extremely complicated. You're like quantum physics or modern jazz. Think Niels Bohr meets Ornette Coleman. You may look normal now, but once you sprout, you look kind of, uh, funny.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

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Mama Mia

How queer am I that I totally want to see this?

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I Can Change

The first exercise I am working on in pursuit of happiness (don't know if I'll make the enlightened part so let's keep the goals simple, eh?) is the I can change exercise. Basically you take whatever behavior that you have that is hurting others (download music illegally, kicking puppies, top-shelving, or whatever) and you change it. Simple as that, kinda. What you are supposed to do is when you commit a "sin" you say to yourself "I can change" and then you actively try to change that behavior. There is no confession to a "magic" man who makes you repeat a mantra a set number of times and it also makes you accountable. For example, instead of the lame ass "I'm sorry" when you do something like, oh, say, leave an entire sink full of dishes you actually commit to getting the dishes cleaned up instead of leaving them for someone else to do. If you do slip up, and hey we're all human, you tell yourself you can change and set your mind to changing.
So, test time for me today. I have this habit of mentally (and if the right co-worker is there then verbally as well) ripping apart some of the fashion choices of the customers. This guy came in wearing the most hideous coat I have ever seen in my life. It was a steel grey, quilted, full length coat with some sort of abstract design on the back and fur lined cuffs and collar.
Hideous!
So I am mentally ripping this guy a new for his obvious lack of bad taste when I realize, "shit, I'm trying to change this behaviour. What do I care if he has horrible taste in outerwear. I can change, I can change, I can change," I started chanting to myself. The only problem with that (and D. will attest to this) is that I have no edit button between my brain and mouth. Pretty much if I start to think something I also start to say it. So there I am foaming up milk with a look of horror on my face at the poor choice of outerwear and I start saying "I can change," in a sing song voice. The poor guy just looks at me cross eyed and takes his drink then says "there is also no place like home,"
Gotta hand it to him, he was a quick one.

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The Pursuit of Happiness

I have decided to pursue a path of happiness. I don't think this is so odd because even the Dali Lama says that the purpose of life is to be happy; all living things want to be happy. Alright, I can agree with that. I have one part of my pursuit of happiness down and that is C-Fresh, I am really happy to have him in my life but what about the rest of the path?
To start I picked up the book Just Add Buddha!: Quick Buddhist Solutions for Hellish Bosses, Traffic Jams, Stubborn Spouses, and Other Annoyances of Everyday Life. I figure if anyone can help along the path to happiness it should be the Buddha. Of course as soon as I decided to do this and got the book I got home and stepped right into a giant, steaming pile of dog shit.
Huh!
Karma or cosmic test? You be the judge. . .

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Cafe Conversations

Whoo, when they happen at this new store they really happen. I have to admit that I do not miss the daily drama at the old store but there are some doozies at the new store. I received a phone call and it was an older man
Me: Cafe, how can I help you
Man: I have a tummy ache (okay, what adult man says tummy?)
Me: Okay
Man: I had a cup of coffee at your store yesterday and now I have a tummy ache
Me: What kind of coffee did you have? A latte or a regular cup of coffee
Man: Just coffee (he said vehemently). What are you going to do about it?
Me: (as he is talking I'm in the computer looking up coffee sales for the previous day) well sir, we did sell 325 cups of coffee yesterday and this is the first complaint I have had about an upset stomach. Did you eat anything else somewhere first?
Man: No, I don't eat out no more especially with my ulcer
Me: You do know you shouldn't drink coffee with an ulcer don't you
Man: Don't tell me what to do, it was your coffee hurting me today

At that point I realized he was either a)crazy or b)out to get something for free. Thank God for the 1-800 line that we have to direct these idiots to call. I would like all of you there to offer up a little prayer, or well wish, or good karma, or whatever to the good folks who work the 1-800 complaint lines. These people must have nerves of steel to deal with jerks all day (especially around the holidays).

Oh, and I got my first "I'm gonna sue you for false advertising" threat of the season yesterday too because I would not take somebodies Starbucks card. Woo-Hoo! It isn't Christmas until you get threatened with a lawsuit.

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I Vant To Suck Your Blood

I love these stupid little quizzes. . .this one courtesy of Gumby.

You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could. Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most. But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you? It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low. What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

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World Peace

Evidently the Pope ranks gay marriage right up there with nuclear arms as preventing world peace. Hmm, that is kind of funny since I would rank intolerance a lot higher on the list. I would also rank sex abuse scandals and pay outs higher on the list as well. And again, I know it was mandatory to join the Nazi Youth but wouldn't one was the heir to Peter's throne have shown a bit more moral fortitude? Hell, Captain Von Trapp could escape with a former nun and six singing kids dressed in curtains!
Glass houses Benedict, glass houses.

http://atheism.about.com/od/benedictxvi/i/RatzingerNazi.htm

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My Super Power

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate. Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you. Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you. At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you. Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

What Should Your Superpower Be?

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Too Cute

Ok, here is the obligatory picture of a gay man's cat. C-Fresh and I bought TC a body pillow (stuffed with catnip no less) and we weren't sure if he would like it all. I guess he does. . .

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Are You Kidding Me?

How the hell does Sherri Shepard still have a job? Is it true that they let any retard on t.v. now? Nothing predates Christians or Jesus? Nothing? Really? Can she really be that fucking stupid that she actually believes that? Let's not forget the whole fossil fuel and dinosaurs thing but what about the ENTIRE Old Testament? There is a whole lot that happened according to her magic book such as the whole Adam and Eve (or Steve) Moses and the Exodus, The first temple, and on and on and on. That stupid idiot just needs to get her ignorant ass off of television and go breed with her brother because evidently she is a product of inbreeding.

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Bye-Bye Hannah

Bye Hannah, I did not know you long but you were well loved. I know C-Fresh misses you a bunch. I hope you enjoy kitty heaven where you'll have the run of the place with no young upstarts stealing your thunder. I know you are up there right now talking away to anyone who will listen. . .

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