You Go Chi Chi

Finally. . .a drag queen with something to say worth reading/ listening to. This is for all the little gay boys out there who didn't grow up in the late 80's early 90's when all you heard about was the AIDS crisis and HIV. A $10.00 box of condoms is a hell of a better deal than $25,000 worth of drugs a year just to stay alive. Remember to sack it or whack it.

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Justin Timberlake Is. . .

. . .funny! I like a celeb who can actually have a sense of humor about it all. Gotta love a guy who is cute and has a sense of humor.

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Blast From The Past

The other day I caught myself humming "The Rainbow Connection" and I thought "Huh, I haven't seen The Muppet Movie in ages!" so I went online and ordered that up from the library. It just came today so I am actually pretty darn excited to watch it. I do remember going with my mom and my brother to go see this when I was a kid. On the way out there was a guy leaving the theater who looked vaguely like my father (very, very vaguely) and I remember yelling "Hey Mom! There's Dad, let's go say hi to dad," pointing at the guy and his wife/ girlfriend. I think my mom and brother were so mortified by that experience that they never went back to the Parmatown movie theater again. In retrospect it is hilarious. Can you imagine some poor innocent guy trying to explain to his wife/ girlfriend that he really had no clue who I was?

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Where Be Grammar Cops?

Where be da grammar cops when signs like this are put up at airports?

found at passive aggressive notes

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Caller I.D.

I do enjoy caller I.D. because it lets me skip those irritating sales calls that coming now even to cell phones but there is a downside to it. Whenever I hear my phone ring and I look at the caller I.D. and see work's phone number my stomach just clenches. 9 times out of 10 it is nothing, just a stupid question, but every once in awhile it is that call you dread. The call where you have to give up precious time off and go in and cover for a slacker who called off/ didn't show up/ overslept. I guess I must be a pessimist because every time the phone shows that work number I'm expecting to go in. I think maybe I'll start telling myself "Oh look! They miss me and they are calling just to say hi" to get over my little phobia. Who knows, maybe they will start calling just to say "howdy" then. Of course then I'll have to put a stop to that so they don't use up my minutes. . .but you get the point.

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OH Snap!

I found this answer to the question of where does a single, attractive girl go to meet a wealthy man to marry? Evidently the man she was dating didn't make enough money at $250,000 a year to satisfy her social climbing issues. The reply is what is truly priceless. (This was supposedly found on Craigslist. Whether it was actually there or not does not lessen the "OH Snapness" of the reply.

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

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Send Me Out That Way

Do you fear that your funeral will not be well attended? Do you want lots of mourners to help see you on your way to the afterlife? Don't know how to get more people to show up? All you have to do is what the villagers in China's Donghai county did and get troupes of strippers to perform at your funeral. That'll pack people into that'll help pack people into the aisles and make sure your send off is a fun one.
What a great way to get a turnout at your funeral! And it makes it fun for the audience too. I wonder if the corpse got a free lap dance? Did the strippers perform solely for funerals? Is that a niche market that can be exploited here?

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Reason 1

This is a great reason to watch "Make Me A Supermodel" on Bravo. That and it provides some good trash watching until Top Model premieres on Feb 20th

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Cooking Resource

I just found a great resource when it comes to picking the best fruit and veggies and how to prepare them. Whole Foods Market has a great section that explains to what to look for and how to cook different fruits and veggies. Their website also features some healthy and yummy sounding recipes like tofu and black bean tacos (shut up, I think it sounds good).
So if you don't know what to look for when searching for the perfect leek or you need to know how to peel a tomato I recommend this site as a starting point.

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Miss Michigan?!?

WTF?!?
Miss Michigan won Miss America? I thought the whole idea was to "modernize" and "update" what Miss America was all about. I thought they would pick somebody fresh and exciting and what gets picked? Miss Michigan gets picked. A lifeless, blonde, personality free, Barbie doll. In other words they went with the same old same old. I am so freaking irritated and I totally think Miss Washington should have won it. She is an "it" girl, not that bleached blonde piece of Michigan trash.
"Boo!" I say. . ."BOO!"
Yet another "reality" show that picked the wrong damn winner.

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Prejudice Lives. . .

. . .or unlives? I don't know what the proper turn of phrase is when discussing Racism against zombies? Who knew that by playing Dead Rising I was only adding to the growing problem of undead prejudice? Wow, how could I have been so unthinking? If you want to learn more about the growing epidemic of undead racism the please visit this link to read more.

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Jarring Call

I just checked my voice mail and there was a call from C-Fresh about a hotel fire in Las Vegas so of course I thought "oh shit! Where are we gonna stay now?" I was convinced that it was our hotel that we were staying at. Luckily (for us at least) it wasn't the one we are staying at but the Monte Carlo that caught on fire. Whew, that was a bit of a relief. I hope everyone at the Monte Carlo is okay though but this does highlight one of my fears. . .hotel fires. I hate staying anywhere over the tenth floor because how the hell do you get out in case of a fire? How high do ladders reach? Stuff like that which makes me want to stay as close to the ground as possible and to hell with the views!

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The Times Agrees With Me

The New York Times agrees with me! They are endorsing Hillary Clinton as the Democratic Presidential nominee. I know I am going against the queer populist flow of adoring Obama but as the time states, Mrs. Clinton has the experience right now to meet the countries issues. Check out their voting records and their quotes on the issues and decide for yourself but I am still going to vote for Hillary come the Ohio primaries.
p.s.
Don't get me wrong, if Obama wins the nomination I will enthusiastically support him but the thing that he gets praised for (being outside the political loop and not playing the game) is what I think will probably be one of his biggest weaknesses.

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Niche

I just saw this over at Kenneth's blog and it totally cracked me up! You go Coke (and is it wrong that I find it oddly hot too?). I know IM Cupnjava will totally love this commercial.

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Odd Phrases

I came home from work today and the Land Mother was on the porch waiting for me (she is the mother of the landlord). "Hi," I mumbled.
"VinnieG, I need ya'll to do a favor for me," she about shouted in that really loud old lady voice.
"Okay," I said hesitantly.
"I need you to watch out for UPS for me. I have to leave the house for about fifteen minutes," she told me.
"Sure, no problem," I replied.
"Thanks, I have to go get ma' teeth!"
Wow, you'd have thought it was Christmas the way she said it and I guess maybe it was. If I could go from eating only applesauce and mushy food to real solids I guess maybe I would think it was an exciting day too. She continued on with "This is great, now I can get ma new printer and ma new teeth all in one day!"

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Whoa. . .

There are certain celebrities that one would not be surprised to see turned up dead. Amy Winehouse, Britney, or any of the random anorexic/ alcoholic/ interchangeable blonde "actresses". Then there are the celebs who when you first hear about it you think it must be a joke or mistake. That is what I thought when I read that Heath Ledger was found dead due to an overdose. If you had asked me to name someone likely to be found dead I don't think he would have even registered on my radar. What a shame.

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Finally!

Finally a reality TV show ends the way I want it to! C-Fresh and I had been rooting for TK and Rachel to win the Amazing Race 12 since the very beginning. It was a bumpy ride but we were both jumping on the couch when they came in first. This makes up for Hung winning Top Chef and the freak winning Project Runway (pick any season and it applies) and Saleisha winning Top Model.
Congrats guys!

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Instant Karma

You would think that by now I would know. I mean really, how often does it have to happen before it gets through my thick Polish skull that karma will instantly come and give me a swift kick in the ass? Last night after a very busy shift and about 5 minutes before we closed a woman came to the counter to tell us that she spilled her soda all over the floor.
Great!
Of course I started mumbling under my breath about how stupid could she be to spill a soda with a lid all over the floor. How stupid could she possibly be?
Well, not even five minutes later I was taking a gulp of my coffee and, you guessed it, the cup just fell right out of my hand and coffee went spilling all over the floor. Guess that showed me just how stupid you had to be to spill a full drink with a lid all over the floor.

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Mind Over Matter

Three monks decided to practise meditation together. they sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.

When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.

Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.

After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"

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Fido

Last night C-Fresh and I watched the zombie movie Fido. Oh those crazy Canadians! They have such active imaginations. What lesson did I learn from this movie for when the zombie plague strikes? You need to keep your domesticated zombie on a leash when in a secured zone. . .duh!

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Puberty

Score one for a karmic kick in the ass. Not long ago I was. . .ahem. . .mocking a co-worker for her copious amounts of pimples, some of which were pussy and scratched at. What do I wake up with today? A giant, puss filled zit right on my nose. This sucker is freaking HUGE! Wow, I feel like I am sixteen again. I actually had to get some zit ointment to try to get this sucker to go away. I know realize I should have more empathy for her and there will be no more mocking of the pizza face. . .really. . .I mean it. . .

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Conversation

I am not a very good conversationalist and I will be the first one to admit that. If I am meeting somebody and they don't have anything to say then the conversation will be really boring. It isn't that I am stuck up or anything it is just because I usually don't have anything to say and I suck at small talk. For instance, I went to get my hair cut today at Sport Clips (a quick cut men's specialty chain based around a sports motif. Cheap, quick, and usually decent) and the girl cutting my hair was just blabbing on about O.J. and his bail and some basketball player still playing and some football player getting killed.
There were points where she stopped talking and clearly expected some sort of response from me which was difficult because I really didn't care and O.J. deserves everything happening to him. I took the easy way out and just agreed with her opinions and exclaimed where I deemed it appropriate. Was that the most intelligent way of doing it? No, but it was the easiest. So here comes my brilliant idea:

A chain of hair salons where you are not expected to talk or make conversation. You just tell the person how you want your hairs did and they make you all fancy and you don't have to try and stretch your brain to make intelligent conversation. You can just sit back and relax (in some sort of designer comfy chair) and not have to think.

I would so pay money to go to a salon like that.

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